[Essay] Please Correct this for me...

[manishasilva]

I want to get this correct or polished ... how can I write this paragraph more beautifully and catchy with no grammar mistakes ? please be kind to help me with....

If I have a chance, I would like to complete my master’s degree with Korean Government Scholarship Program and would like to show my gratitude towards them by giving my service to that county for about considerable time period. Then after I would like to return my mother land and would like to distribute new found insight and knowledge among my people and give my country a better service than before.

 

[+Technist Warp-]

I want to get this correct or polished ... how can I write this paragraph more beautifully and catchy with no grammar mistakes ? please be kind to help me with....

If I have a chance, I would like to complete my master’s degree with the(1) Korean Government Scholarship Program and would like to show my gratitude towards them by giving my service to that country for a considerable time period. Then after that, I would like to return to(2) my motherland and would like to distribute new found insight and knowledge among my people and give my country a better service than before.[/QUOTE]

Notes!
(1): Use 'the' to specify things. There is only one Korean Government Scholarship Program, so add 'the' to specify it. There is only one, so make it special.
Examples: The giant eagle flew across the moorlands. The cross elephant made everybody cross.

(2) When going or returning somewhere, use to so that you communicate that you are going or returning from or to somewhere.
Examples: Let's go to the mall. How about we return to the valley?