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  1. Newbie
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    #1

    Post TOEFL ESSAY

    Hello,
    I wrote an essay to practice TOEFL. Could you edit and comment please? Thank you very much

    People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. Agree or disagree?
    Our life is full of desirable and enjoyable things but, it has also things that we do not enjoy doing and although we always want to avoid doing the things we donít like, we have to do them, in order to be successful in life and have another perspective and tolerance. So, I agree with the statement that people should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing
    As an example, being a high school student is very hard for us because every day we have to take classes which we donít like such as history, chemistry for me. Why are we taking these courses? The answer is basic: in order to finish high school and then go to a college to have a job that will shape standards of your life. So, one way or another I feel a necessity to learn them because even though I do not enjoy having them in my life, I have to do them in an attempt to be successful in life.
    Second, everyone in the world has different tastes, for example someone could enjoy doing things that I do not enjoy doing, and in my opinion, the one should always think emphatically when they do things that they do not enjoy doing, because if the one understands the feeling that the others have when they are doing it, it would improve the feeling of tolerance and it gives him another perspective. Thus, people should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing.
    So, since the life is not always giving us the things we enjoy doing, we should learn to do the things we do not like in order to be successful in life and gain tolerance and another perspective about things.

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    #2

    Re: TOEFL ESSAY

    Hi vbalci! Welcome to the UE forum!

    Correction not-from-a-teacher as follows:
    __________________________________________________ ___________________
    People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. Agree or disagree?

    Our lives is full of desirable and enjoyable things, but it also has things that we do not enjoy doing and although we always want to avoid doing the things we don’t like, we have to do them, in order to be successful in life and have another perspective and tolerance. So, I agree with the statement that people should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing.
    (1)
    As an example, being a high school student is very hard for us because every day we have to take classes which we don’t like. [For me, I don't like history and chemistry but I have to put up with it.](2) Why are we taking these courses? The answer is basic: in order to finish high school and then go to a college to have a job that will shape standards for our lives(3). So one way or another, I feel a necessity to learn them because even though I do not enjoy having them in my life, I have to do them in an attempt to be successful in life.

    Second, everyone in the world has different tastes, for example someone could enjoy doing things that I do not enjoy doing. In(4) my opinion, one should always think emphatically when they do things that they do not enjoy doing, because if the one understands the feeling that the others have when they are doing it, it would improve the feeling of tolerance and it gives him another perspective. Thus, people should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing.

    So since life is not always giving us the things we enjoy doing, we should learn to do the things we do not like in order to be successful in life and gain tolerance and another perspective about things.
    __________________________________________________ ________________

    Notes!
    1. Give spaces between paragraphs.
    2. You may edit this sentence to how you like it.
    3. Since you wrote 'we' in the last sentence ("Why are we taking these courses?"), you should keep including yourself inside the conversation since you seemed to do so from the first word of your essay.
    4. The sentence was a run-on. It was too long.
    Last edited by +Technist Warp-; 14-Mar-2015 at 16:44.

  2. Newbie
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    #3

    Re: TOEFL ESSAY

    Thank you very much!

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    #4

    Re: TOEFL ESSAY

    I'm not a teacher... but, are you sure about this sentence?




    Our lives is full of desirable and enjoyable things,

  3. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: TOEFL ESSAY

    Good spot!
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  4. Alex S's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: TOEFL ESSAY

    It's good to know there are so many people here who can help with writing and editing. There is no need to ask professional editors and pay them for help :)

    I support Hungrydog about the mistake in this sentence: "Our lives is full of desirable and enjoyable things...". If there is some explanation or rule concerning this variant, I would be honored to hear that.

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