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    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Algeria
      • Current Location:
      • Algeria

    • Join Date: Mar 2015
    • Posts: 2
    #1

    Post Please i need some to check this essay

    hello , i hope you are doing fine . recently i have written an essay for a scholarship but since i am not a good writer i would like to post it here
    in order to get feedback and correction if necessary . here it is


    If you have never experienced the storm, how could you enjoy the beauty of the rainbow? If one has never experienced the unknown, how could one enjoy the joy that life has to offer? Therefore I always welcome new experiences in my life.
    I believe that the XXXX program is both a unique opportunity and a life changing experience. First of all, the well-known reputation and the high quality of the program attracting highly motivated students, incited me to apply .In addition the testimonies of the previous experienced grant holders, having enjoyed such an unmatched cultural experience, motivated me most. Furthermore the desire for excellence and the passion to network and meet inspiring people with different thoughts and ideas, led me to understand the needs to share and develop my entrepreneurial outlook.
    Finally, by joying this program, I hope to enhance my personal and communications skills, gain the necessary tools to overcome difficulties and shape my future career and make positive impact on society.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Apr 2014
    • Posts: 3,329
    #2

    Re: Please i need some to check this essay

    If you have never experienced the storm, how could you enjoy the beauty of the rainbow? If one has never experienced the unknown, how could one enjoy the joy that what/the things that life has to offer? Therefore I always welcome new experiences in my life.
    I believe that the XXXX program is both a unique opportunity and a life-changing experience. First of all, the well-known reputation and the high quality of the program attracting highly motivated students, incited(1) encouraged me to apply. In addition the testimonies of the previous experienced grant holders, having enjoyed such an the unmatched cultural experience, motivated me most. Furthermore the desire for excellence and the passion to network and meet inspiring people with different thoughts and ideas, led me to understand the needs to share and develop my entrepreneurial outlook. Finally, by joying joining this program, I hope to enhance my personal and communications skills, gain the necessary tools knowlege to overcome difficulties and shape my future career and make positive impact on society.

    not a teacher

    Note 1. The word has negative connotations

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Algeria
      • Current Location:
      • Algeria

    • Join Date: Mar 2015
    • Posts: 2
    #3

    Re: Please i need some to check this essay

    Thank you very much for your help tedmc
    .
    just i am so confused with one thing , in the last paragraph does it sounds good when three sentences are related with " and " ?

    Finally, by joining this program, I hope to enhance my personal and communications skills, gain the necessary knowledge to overcome difficulties and shape my future career and make positive impact on society.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Apr 2014
    • Posts: 3,329
    #4

    Re: Please i need some to check this essay

    Finally, by joining this program, I hope to enhance my personal and communications skills, gain the necessary knowledge to overcome difficulties and shape my future career and make positive impact on society.

    Does this sound better:

    Finally, by joining this program, I hope to enhance my professional and communications skills, gain the necessary knowledge in facing challenges and helping shape my future career and make a positive impact on society.

    not a teacher

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