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    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • Australia
      • Current Location:
      • Australia

    • Join Date: Mar 2015
    • Posts: 1
    #1

    Exclamation I NEED HELP IN THIS ESSAY PLEASE GRADE IT?? PLEASE ITS URGENT!!!

    Hello,
    Greetings to all. I really need help with this paragh. I just want to see whether the paragh that I have written here is worth an A* grade for my igcse exam for english as second language. Please grade it and tell me if its worth an A or A* if not please help and advice what is wrong? Its urgent i have my exams next month. Thanks.

    People pass by me, some step on my foot, some violently knock past me, and some spare a nick of time to apologize while the rest move on. I glance on the window right next to me. Itís an artifacts shop, full of ancient artifacts, some paraphernalia necessary for war like swords, daggers etc. There is no light inside, just a petite candle burning in the room full of darkness. I decide that I might like to visit it, but I keep the visit for later. I stride along the street. There are innumerable shops lined one after another, there are also many street vendors on the road. The place is too crowded that I feel difficulty in breathing. I see a grumpy looking man. Thick eyebrows knitted into a gruesome expression. His hazel eyes darting here and there to look at people, he seems to notice me coming towards him, his eyes scan me. He looks a middle-aged man, he is short , sweat dripping down his face, a balding head wearing ragged clothes, he has a stall set up full of candies and chocolates, but no one seems interested to buy some of them from him. I want to buy some candies for my auntís daughters so I walk up to the stall and ask him for the blow pop candies. He answers in a deep, croaky voice that it costs three bucks. I hand him the money, grab the candies and hurry up to catch up with my exploration of this bustling and beguiling market. I am still walking along the crowded road, trying as much as I can to circumvent past potholes, the splashes of water coming from fruit vendors who are trying to keep their fruits clean and fresh. I finally find a shop that intrigues me; I enter the traditional dress shop. I see the owner sitting in a corner, sulking and looking at me with apathy. I ask him for the traditional clothes of this place, yet he takes some more long seconds before he replies to ask the women sitting in the counter to ask for it. I reach up to her and ask her. She is an old woman, wrinkly skin and sagging old eyes. Yet, her age doesnít seem to affect her vivacious personality. Her benevolent smile and twinkling eyes create an aura of felicity around her. I feel contentment rising inside of me and request her to show me some traditional clothes. At last I find the one that I really like. I pay her the money for the dress, thank her and leave to return back to my auntís house. I finally feel really happy about todayís visit on my way to home!

    Is it worth an A* or A? Please tell!!! I am currently not going to school. I am homeschooling. I just need an expert advice on this paragh so this is also not my homework. Once i know what this paragh is worth of I can write articles and other writings like this if its good or make amendments if somethings wrong. I really need help. Thanks in advance.
    Last edited by Mini2000; 22-Mar-2015 at 10:27. Reason: I wanted to be clear about my intentions.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Apr 2014
    • Posts: 3,321
    #2

    Re: I NEED HELP IN THIS ESSAY PLEASE GRADE IT?? PLEASE ITS URGENT!!!

    Hi Mini
    Welcome to the forum. This forum does not provide free, urgent, proofreading services.
    What is a paragh? There is no need to use block letters for the title and exclaimation marks.

    not a teacher

  1. Matthew Wai's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • Hong Kong

    • Join Date: Nov 2013
    • Posts: 7,825
    #3

    Re: I NEED HELP IN THIS ESSAY PLEASE GRADE IT?? PLEASE ITS URGENT!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Mini2000 View Post
    my igcse exam for english as second language
    Then why does your profile show that your native language is American English?

    Not a teacher.

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