[Grammar] Please help me to check this article

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Vincen't Wong

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I know that i may be quite annoying, but i really want to improve my english for the further studying in university. If you have spare time, please help me.:oops:
I am appreciating your help.

Topic:
Your school principal has told the tuck shop to stop selling 'junk food', such as fish balls and soft drinks, in response to the government's campaign to promote healthy eating. However, this policy has evoked a strong reaction from some students who insist on their right to exercise freedom of choice.

You are a reporter for the school newspaper and have just attended a meeting between the principal and representatives of parents, teachers and students. Write an article for the school newspaper describing the viewpoints and arguments of the different parties. Give your article a title.

Should we keep selling junk food?

Recently, schools organized a consultative meeting for different parties to discuss whether school should stop the tuck shop from selling junk food. School principal and representative of parents, teachers and students had different opinions about this issue. I would like to report and describe their viewpoints and arguments of them for you. I hope students in our school could thus better understand the current issue.

To begin with, our dear principal claimed that stopping selling junk food such as fish balls and soft drinks could improve students’ health. With the project, students would not only have a healthier lifestyle, but also support government’s healthy eating campaign. Also, principal mentioned that more than 40% of our school kids were overweight. Our tuck shop was selling too much snacks and unhealthy food to students, and students who had no self-control were always buying these foods there. Principal said that she cared of all students’ health because overweight students usually had many diseases like high blood pressure and high level of cholesterol. Therefore, she said that she had no choice but to stop selling junk food for the future of student.

On the other hand, the representative of students highly opposed to the decision that principal had made. He said that all students were not the prisoners, and school was not the jail to deprive students of personal right. Apart from this, he told us that there were more than 80% of students who were disagreeing the project that school had decided. He hoped that school should realize the increasingly disagreeing sounds from students and kindly reconsider if the school should keep running the project of stopping selling junk food.

Moreover, parents’ representative had their viewpoints as well. She agreed with the point of principal that is improving student’s health by the project because children were vitally important for all the parents. Furthermore, she pointed out that students could save much money if the tuck shop stop selling junk food for students. Student could thus have more spare money to buy necessities on academic aspect like pencil cases and mock test papers. However, they were worried that children might therefore lose their childhood memories of eating and sharing snacks with friends as they were used to parents’ childhood memory when they were young.

Teachers had some original opinions. They had a doubt which is the project with low effectiveness. Students could buy snacks or junk food outside despite the fact that they were unable to buy these foods inside the school. Some students could also bring junk food to school and even could share with others in the classrooms. Therefore, the ultimate aim of the project which is improving students’ health might be unsuccessful. In addition, teachers suggested that education was always the best way to let children to have a health lifestyle. They said that they would spend more time to educate kids the disadvantages of eating junk food and importance of healthy eating. Finally, they hoped that parents needed to be role models to teach their children how to have a health lifestyle, and they should put all their effort to supervise the foods their children were eating.

The above-mentioned viewpoints are inspirational for us to think the importance of healthy eating. Will you support the project or not?
 

Vincen't Wong

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teechar

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Recently, our school organized a consultative meeting for different parties to discuss whether the school should stop the tuck shop from selling junk food. Those who attended, including the school principal and representatives of parents, teachers and students, had different opinions about this issue. [STRIKE]I would like to report and describe their viewpoints and arguments of them for you. I hope students in our school could thus better understand the current issue.
[/STRIKE]

To begin with, our dear principal claimed that stopping the selling of junk food such as fish balls and soft drinks could improve students’ health. [STRIKE]With the project[/STRIKE] She pointed out that this way, students would not only have a healthier nutrition [STRIKE]lifestyle[/STRIKE], but also get support from the government’s healthy eating campaign. Also, the principal mentioned that more than 40% of our school kids were overweight. Our tuck shop was selling too many snacks and much unhealthy food to students, and students who had no self-control were always buying these foods there. The principal said that she was worried about [STRIKE]cared of all[/STRIKE] students’ health because many overweight students [STRIKE]usually had many diseases like[/STRIKE] have alarmingly high blood pressure and high level of cholesterol. Therefore, she said that she had no choice but to stop the selling of junk food for the sake [STRIKE]future[/STRIKE] of the students' health.

On the other hand, the [STRIKE]representative of[/STRIKE] students' representative highly opposed the decision that the principal had made. He said that [STRIKE]all[/STRIKE] students were not prisoners, and school was not [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] jail to deprive students of personal [STRIKE]right[/STRIKE] choice. Apart from this, he told us that [STRIKE]there were[/STRIKE] more than 80% of students [STRIKE]who[/STRIKE] were in disagreement with the new [STRIKE]project[/STRIKE] decision the school had [STRIKE]decided[/STRIKE] made. He hoped that the school should realize the increasingly disagreeing sounds from students and kindly reconsider [STRIKE]if the school should keep running the project of stopping selling junk food[/STRIKE] and hopefully reverse the decision of stopping the sale of fast food and snacks at the school's tuck shop.


[STRIKE]Moreover[/STRIKE] Meanwhile, the parents’ representative had [STRIKE]their[/STRIKE] her viewpoints as well. She agreed with the [STRIKE]point of [/STRIKE]principal that [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] improving student’s health was [STRIKE]by the project because children were vitally important[/STRIKE] a top priority for all the parents. Furthermore, she pointed out that students could save much money if the tuck shop stopped selling junk food [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] to students. Students could thus have more spare money to buy [STRIKE]necessities on academic aspect like pencil cases and[/STRIKE] more useful and necessary items like mock test papers and extra stationary. However, [STRIKE]they were worried that children might therefore lose their childhood memories of eating and sharing snacks with friends as they were used to parents’ childhood memory when they were young[/STRIKE] she conceded that children do enjoy eating and sharing snacks with friends but pointed out that they could still do that with home-made food.

Teachers who attended the meeting had some original opinions. They [STRIKE]They had a doubt which is the project with low[/STRIKE] doubted the new decision's effectiveness. Students could simply buy snacks or junk food outside if they were unable to buy these foods inside the school, they said. According to them, some students could also bring junk food to school and could even share it with others in the [STRIKE]classrooms[/STRIKE] school. Therefore, the ultimate aim of the [STRIKE]project[/STRIKE] new decision which is improving students’ health, might [STRIKE]be unsuccessful[/STRIKE] not be achieved. In addition, teachers suggested that education was always the best way to [STRIKE]let children[/STRIKE] encourage students to [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] choose a healthier lifestyle. They said that they would spend more time to educate kids about the disadvantages of eating junk food and about the importance of healthy eating. Finally, they [STRIKE]hoped[/STRIKE] stressed that parents needed to be good role models to teach their children how to have a healthy lifestyle, and that they should put [STRIKE]all their[/STRIKE] more effort [STRIKE]to supervise[/STRIKE] into being selective about the foods their children were eating.

The above-mentioned viewpoints are inspirational for us to think about the importance of healthy eating. Will you support the [STRIKE]project[/STRIKE] new school decision or not?
;-)
 

Vincen't Wong

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Teechar!:-o I miss you so much. Your instruction was really helpful!
I’m going to take examination next week,
I’m quite nervous because my English is still under average.

thank you my teacher!!!
 
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teechar

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Teechar!:-o I miss you so much. Your instruction was really helpful!
I’m going to take the examination next week,
I’m quite nervous because my English is still under average.

Thank you my teacher!!!
You're very welcome Vincen't and I wish you all the best in your IELTS exam.

Remember to get plenty of rest the day before, and try to relax as much as possible on the day of the exam.
In fact, being nervous is totally useless if you think about it and it's not going to help you get better marks!

Have confidence in your ability and be positive.

PM me if you need any more help before your exam. ;-)
 

tedmc

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I have two comments to add:

1. ..disagreeing sounds from students - I prefer dissatisfaction/disagreement/dissent from students.

2. Stationary(not moving) should be stationery(writing material)

not a teacher
 
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