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    #1

    Several simple sentences that I need help with

    I just proofread an article I'm working on but have several sentenced i'd appreciate someone looking at before I submit...

    "In Tooley’s report, Nelly described the * and * she suffered at the hands of Jarrett Webb, beginning at the age of 9 or 10."

    - Does "describes" work here instead of described, even though it is past tense?

    "Another person Walters asked said, “....

    - Does a comma come after asked?

    "According to Carmean’s report, Loretta explained to him how she became involved in* at the age of 9 years old, when she was invited to a party by someolder friends and met a white male adult who convinced her to go back tohis place and pose for some pictures."

    -Do I need more commas in this sentence. Maybe after "male adult"?

    "The parties went on for 6 months before the men took the girls to what they called “power meetings,” where they were told that they needed to “.......”

    - Is a comma required after "power meetings"?

    "Foster Care Review Board (FCRB) Director, Carol Stitt, testified before the legislative committee and said,"....."

    -Is director capitalized? And could I just go into the quote or should I have the "and said" part?

    "Specifically, Alisha said she started at the age of 14 when boys from Boys Town took her to a party."

    - Do I need a comma after 14?

    "
    *, *, and *were, respectively, Mayor, Police Chief and Game and Parks Commissioner for thecity of *."

    - Do I need a comma before and after "respectively"?

    "In early July '90, Caradori called Senator Schmidt to tell him about a new piece of evidence he had come across, "We've got them!" he said. There's no way they can get out of it now.""

    -Is this sentence punctuated correctly?

    "the World-Herald came to Van Pelt’s defense in an editorial titled “Van Pelt’s Report on Kirk Followed the Evidence.”

    - Do I need a comma after "titled" for introducing the name of the article?

    Thank you,
    I'm sorry for throwing a bunch of sentences all in one post, but these are my last final checks before I can submit.
    Thank you again,
    Matt
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 23-Mar-2015 at 11:33. Reason: Standardised and enlarged font size

  1. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Several simple sentences that I need help with

    Quote Originally Posted by Illmattic View Post
    I just proofread an article I'm working on, but I have several sentences I'd appreciate someone looking at it before I submit...

    Are you getting paid for that?

    Anyhow, it would be good to remember that you should always capitalize the pronoun "I" whether it starts a sentence or not.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Several simple sentences that I need help with

    Quote Originally Posted by Illmattic View Post


    "In Tooley’s report, Nelly described the * and * she suffered at the hands of Jarrett Webb, beginning at the age of 9 or 10."

    - Does "describes" work here instead of described, even though it is past tense?

    A piece of writing can be regarded as eternal, for example:


    In Hamlet's soliloquy, he says....

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Several simple sentences that I need help with

    Quote Originally Posted by Illmattic View Post

    "Another person Walters asked said, “....

    - Does a comma come after asked?

    Only if you put it there. Otherwise, not.

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Several simple sentences that I need help with

    Quote Originally Posted by Illmattic View Post

    "According to Carmean’s report, Loretta explained to him how she became involved in* at the age of 9 years old, when she was invited to a party by some older friends and met a white adult male who convinced her to go back to his place and pose for some pictures."

    -Do I need more commas in this sentence. Maybe after "male adult"?

    No.

  5. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Several simple sentences that I need help with

    Quote Originally Posted by Illmattic View Post

    "The parties went on for 6 months before the men took the girls to what they called “power meetings,” where they were told that they needed to “.......”

    - Is a comma required after "power meetings"?

    Yes, that is correctly punctuated.

  6. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Several simple sentences that I need help with

    Quote Originally Posted by Illmattic View Post
    "Foster Care Review Board (FCRB) Director, Carol Stitt, testified before the legislative committee and said,"....."

    -Is director capitalized? And could I just go into the quote or should I have the "and said" part?

    Yes, "director" should be capitalized if it is part of a job title. Also, I don't know what you mean by "go into the quote" but don't change anything that is part of quoted material.


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    #8

    Re: Several simple sentences that I need help with

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    No.
    I'm assuming you put these phrases in red because they're incorrect?

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    #9

    Re: Several simple sentences that I need help with

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    Are you getting paid for that?
    Perhaps we could get an answer to this question before we answer any more of Illmattic's.

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    #10

    Re: Several simple sentences that I need help with

    Quote Originally Posted by Rover_KE View Post
    Perhaps we could get an answer to this question before we answer any more of Illmattic's.
    Paid for the article?
    No. I'm not getting paid to write the article.

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