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    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Oman
      • Current Location:
      • Oman

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 29
    #1

    Need to discuss some teacher comments

    Some argue that the use of chemicals such as fertilizers in agriculture entails increasing the yield and boosting the quality of crops, but such uneducated assumptions tend to be quite flawed. Contrary to popular belief, fertilizers do in fact plummet and the yield and make the produce bland and tasteless. The sole benefit of the use of such chemicals is that they expedite the growth of the plants, so that the crop would be ready to harvest before it is due, which leads to the farmers selling the produce at exorbitant rates.

    Teacher's comments:
    1- Quite fragmented paragraph
    2- Incorrect usage of plummet
    3- The paragraph vilifies the farmers, not the fertilizers.
    4- Incorrect usage of sole
    5- Says that "boost and increase are took weak" but I used them to undermine the other argument.
    6- Incorrect usage of "before it is due"

    The teacher is not a native speaker and is not exactly astounding in English. Can you please tell me if any of her comments are valid, your comments, and any improvements to the paragraph.
    My emotions don't get hurt and I accept all criticism.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
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    #2

    Re: Need to discuss some teacher comments

    I think the way you have used sole is fine. I don't think increasing and boosting are too weak #3 is subjective, but I think it is debatable, though the criticism you do make of the farmers doesn't fit well to me. The most important point is #1, which I agree with completely- the second sentence, for instance, is very fragmented, so much so that it is very hard to follow.
    Last edited by Tdol; 26-Mar-2015 at 12:13. Reason: typo

  1. Roman55's Avatar
    • Member Info
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      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • Italy
      • Current Location:
      • France

    • Join Date: Feb 2014
    • Posts: 2,309
    #3

    Re: Need to discuss some teacher comments

    I am not a teacher.

    I don't like 'entails increasing…and boosting' in the first sentence. I would prefer 'increases…and boosts'.

    '…fertilizers do in fact plummet and the yield…' should be 'fertilizers do in fact cause the yield to plummet' or, 'yields plummet when fertilizers are used'. It's the yield that plummets, not the fertilizers.

    Overall, I do think the farmers are depicted in an unfavourable light.

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