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    Post I need help on my grammar...

    The Brother
    Prologue: Year 2930, the past
    The Great War – WWI, 2930-2960

    Airplanes fly over the smoky skies, sirens roared over the city, soldiers were in their anti-aircraft artillery, executing firing commands. Everything was in peril. A burst of many shots erupted into the skies from below, bringing bomber planes down one by one. Soldiers on the ground were spurred into action as receive orders from their superiors.
    One of the bomber planes open a shuttle, preparing to drop a bomb from the black skies that was filled with burnt ashes. There were barrels of them, clicking and clacking from the mechanical gears as it churned, lowering a bomb from its opened belly. When it drops from above, whistling down as it dives like an eagle, it landed on a base on the ground, destroying multitudes of anti-artilleries. Men from beneath the skies, screams in pain from the impact that landed it on them—they were all crying in terror. The bombers continue to drop more bombs while the people from below who are like ants, continues on their defense.
    Meanwhile in the city of Zjąujian, all civilians took cover as they were hidden underneath the city. They were not put in the sewers, hiding away from enemy troops; they were running in the underground escape route, where there were many hallways that lead to an exit. This underground escape route was planned before the war began. Not one enemy or any civilians has not discovered this until now. Only their superiors of this country knew about this before the war began. When the civilians continue to run down the long wide hallway, there was fear in their eyes, hoping that they would survive before the death of noon. Families holding their luggage that were strapped on a wagon, children were crying for their pets and toys, elders who are protecting their money and pride—these were desperate times when each one of them hope they won’t lose anybody or anything. They all headed down on the long wide road while the sirens and bombings continues to rumble from above their heads.

    One of the fighters, who was late on schedule, was flying with his team to defend the city of Zjąujian. This pilot’s name was Cherkha Jei-Ru. He is the leader of this band of fighters, telling his people how to format an offense before getting into the frontline. There’s a nametag on his brown leather jacket, which was sewn on the left side of his chest. His buddy, who was behind him was on a gun turret, he was chewing his gum. He thinks he is way cooler than the rest of the band of fighters. Cocky son of a bitch. Him and Cherkha were talking to each other in their native tongue, Neinchian. They were chatting to each other through their headset.
    “So, have you thought of digging some of those chicks you spoke earlier before we left?,” said the guy who was chewing on his gum.
    “Yeah, I have. I got their phone numbers…well, some of them,” said Cherkha. “I am going to call them if we make it out alive from this shithole that all of us are in. If we die, we get no pussy.”
    The both of them laugh together on the plane as some of the fighters in the band laughed with them as well.
    “Yeah, I agree. You die, I die, we all die…we get no pussy. Sucks to be a virgin.”
    “Oh c’mon guys, we will get some one day. Just pray to God that we make it out alive and live in one peace,” said one of the fighters who was in the midsection of the band. He spoke to them through the headset.
    Meanwhile, when they were flying over the thick white clouds, a large, huge metal object was flying beneath them, has caught their attention so suddenly. The colors on its skin was black and it has a shape of a saucer. It was as big as the entire band of fighters before the both of them have passed the thick white clouds between them. Many of them were astonished to see an airplane that was in a shape of a dish rather than an ordinary airplane with wings. Also, they have never seen an airplane that is as big as their entire team. Black, shiny, and smooth as it spins rapidly with colorful lights, to which no one in the team could possibly explain what that thing is. Not even Cherkha, the leader of the band…he doesn’t know either it is as well. The entire team who was following Cherkha, assumed that this was no ordinary airplane. This object they have seen was to assume that this saucer didn’t belong to their enemies, which they are about to face pretty soon. One of the fighters in the band, jolted his gun and points at the saucer from above, waiting what it will do.
    “Holy shit! I have seen many airplanes like ours and others with wings…but I have never seen an airplane like this one,” said one of the guys on the headset radio, who was at the back of the team. “What is this thing anyway? I mean, I am feasting my eyes on this thing in order to understand how on earth can it fly without any wings. It’s extraordinary to see this, but I don’t understand at all. Captain Cherkha, please do explain what this thing is?”
    “I don’t know, but I hope it’s friendly,” said Cherkha. “I will send a message and a photo to report this to headquarters. Maybe they might know something.” Then he took some photos as it was flying beneath them. He took quite a few by measuring its body from head to toe.
    This flying saucer, as you know it, didn’t make a single sound. It was just flying smoothly as it cuts the wind while the sun shines upon the large dome in the middle of its body, causing a reflection to shine back against Cherkha’s face.
    “Well, whatever it is, my guns are pointing at it. Can I shoot at it, sir?,” said one of the guys on the headset who jolted his gun earlier.
    “No, not yet. Do not shoot! We will wait for what it will do first.”
    As they were feasting their eyes on this mysterious flying object that was flying below them, it went ahead of them. The band of fighter who were pointing their guns at the saucer, raise their weapons in motion as the saucer rose next to their altitude. Then, it releases a sonic boom as it vanishes in lightspeed, flying into outer space, leaving the men to ponder about it. Cherkha, the leader of the band of fighters, stared at the white smoke of what it has left behind, continues to gaze upward into the heavens. He thought to himself by thinking they might have been visited by someone rather than somebody in this world. The white, puffy smoke, which was its remaining, has raped the skies as it disappears from their sight, leaving them with some disturbing attention. As the entire band continues to gaze upon the skies, they continue to follow Cherkha as they saw the city ahead of them.
    “Whatever it was, whatever that thing is, it ain’t no Tyrenkian being,” said one of the guys who was in the middle of the band. “It looks like we have been visited by someone that is outside from our world.”
    “Strange shit, isn’t it?,” said the guy who was chewing his gum.


    Please, I would LOVE for someone to correct my story please...

  1. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Re: I need help on my grammar...

    Welcome to the forum.

    This post is too long to expect volunteers to deal with. If you are writing a story (potentially for publication), I suggest you pay a professional editor and proofreader.

    I'll give you one hint - check that your tenses are consistent in your first sentence.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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