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    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Urdu
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      • Pakistan
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      • Pakistan

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    #1

    car

    Please correct the following paragraph if it is not.

    My younger brother wanted to buy a new car; he deposited car cost with the car manufacture and went abroad for 2 weeks. He instructed me to get car on my behalf. Now I have got his car and want to inform him. Can I write this way?

    Dear brother,

    I have received your new car along with all tools. Can I park it in your old garage or somewhere else? I am awaiting for kind advice.

  1. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: car

    This is quite weird!
    1- The note to your "brother" is too formal.
    2- If he's away for just two weeks, he can easily pick it up after he returns.
    3- You buy a car from a car dealer, not a "local manufacturer."
    4- "Along with all tools" doesn't make sense.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: car

    Are the tools you refer to the things we usually find in the boot? For example, jack, spanners, oil can, tyre pressure gauge etc. If so, you should use "along with all the tools".

    Your brother didn't "instruct me to get the car on my behalf". He "instructed me to get the car on his behalf".

    It is sometimes possible to buy a car direct from the manufacturer - it depends on the car. Generally, however, I agree with teechar that you buy it from a car dealer(ship) or from a private individual.

    I also agree with teechar that you letter is surprisingly formal considering that you're writing to your own brother. I realise that some cultures are more formal than my own but I find "I am awaiting your kind advice" overly formal. If it were my brother, he would receive a note like this from me:

    Hiya, I've picked up your car and all the bits and bobs. Can I stick it in your garage or somewhere? Let me know! Hope you're having a great holiday. xx
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: car

    Quote Originally Posted by meela View Post
    Please correct the following paragraphs if they are not correct.

    My younger brother wanted to buy a new car. He paid the car dealer and went abroad for two weeks. He asked me to get the car Now I have his car and want to tell him. Can I write it this way?

    Dear brother,

    I have your new car, along with all the tools. Can I park it in your old garage, or should I park it somewhere else?
    1. It's clear that you're waiting for him to advise you (that's why you wrote!), so you don't need to tell him. And anything like "Please advise" or "I await your advice" sounds like a business letter, not a letter to a family member or friend.

    2. If you say "Can I park it in your old garage or someplace else," his answer could simply be yes (Yes, you can park it in the old garage or somewhere else). That's not what you want to know. You want to know where to park it.

    I would just say: "Where should I park it?"
    Last edited by Charlie Bernstein; 04-Apr-2015 at 22:42.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

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