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  1. Vincen't Wong's Avatar
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    #1

    Post could anyone help me to check my writing ? 11

    Please help me to check this, I hope that i would get a better result in IELTS test.

    Topic:
    “It is more important to be clever than beautiful or handsome”. Writing a letter to the editor of a local newspaper explaining whether you agree with this statement or not.

    Dear editor,

    Recently, more and more teenagers are performing cosmetic surgery to be more beautiful or handsome. They believe that cleverness is not important than external beauty. I am writing to express my disagreement on their opinions, and I believe that cleverness is more vital than appearance.

    To begin with, intelligence is essential for learning at school. According to the recent research from HK University, students with higher IQ level usually get better academic achievements. Therefore, intelligent people need less revision time to familiarize themselves with knowledge they have learnt, and thus they would have higher chance to get successes in the public examination. Pursuing excellent academic performance is always students’ top priority. Cleverness can facilitate their learning so that they could be enrolled in university easier. However, some students are just over focusing on their appearance rather than intelligence, who would have inadequate time to study and less chances to get into the university. As a result, it is hard for them to have a good future with low academic qualification in this highly competitive society.

    Besides, external beauty is unable to be last forever except for cleverness. Once people get older, their beautiful face would be disappeared. Although we could extend our external beauty by making up, it is just temporary. However, cleverness is permanent. If we get professional knowledge and wisdom, they will never leave you alone until you are dead. As a result, cleverness is a best choice for the Youngers but not beauty.

    Apart form this, intelligence could help you to get a great job. Despite the fact that boss love to hiring handsome guys or pretty ladies to be their staffs, they would be invited out of the companies if they are not intelligent enough. Nevertheless, smart employees usually know how to get favors from their boss and have excellent working abilities because they can always figure out some good idea for the companies. In fact, I believe that companies would keep clever employees who could help companies to get considerable profit there.

    Finally, some people claimed that good-looking people could easily find their love. It is true because they indeed attract opposite sex at the first time. Nevertheless, true love and a long-term relationship are based on your internal beauty and skills of getting along with your beloved one. Smart guys always know their partners’ feeling and know how to make them happy with strategies in creative ways. Therefore, they never get bored with each other, and their relationship could thus keep in passion.

    In conclusion, the above-mentioned reasons show that the benefits of cleverness far outweigh the disadvantages of it. I hope that teenagers do not focus too much on their external beauty but improving their intelligence by learning more.

    Yours faithfully,
    Chris Wong
    English learner

  2. teechar's Avatar
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      • Iraq
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    • Posts: 6,180
    #2

    Re: could anyone help me to check my writing ? 11

    Please help me to check this. I hope that i I would get a better result in my upcoming IELTS test.

    Topic:
    “It is more important to be clever than beautiful or handsome”. Writing Write a letter to the editor of a local newspaper explaining whether you agree with this statement or not.

    Dear editor,

    Recently, more and more teenagers are performing having cosmetic surgery to be more beautiful or handsome. They believe that cleverness is not less important than external beauty. I am writing to express my disagreement with that view on their opinions, and I believe that cleverness is much more vital than appearance.

    To begin with, intelligence is essential for learning at school. According to the recent research from HK University, students with higher IQ levels usually get better academic results achievements. Therefore, Intelligent people need less study or revision time to familiarize themselves with knowledge the concepts they have learnt, and thus they would have a higher chance of success to get successes in the public examinations. Pursuing excellent academic performance is always students’ a top priority for many young people and cleverness can facilitate their learning so that they could be enrolled in get into university more easilyeasier. However, some students are just over focusing more focused on their appearance rather than their intelligence, who would and as a result have inadequate time to study and less fewer chances to get into the university. As a result, it is hard for them to have a good future with low their poor academic qualification performance in this highly competitive society.

    Besides, external beauty is unable to be doesn't last forever unlike except for cleverness. Once people get older, their beauty starts to fade beautiful face would be disappeared. Although we could extend our external beauty by using make up making up, it is just temporary. However, cleverness is permanent and the knowledge and experience we gain in life, stays with us. If we get professional knowledge and wisdom, they will never leave you alone until you are dead. As a result, cleverness is a more useful quality than best choice for the Youngers but not beauty.

    Apart form this, intelligence could help you to get a great job. Despite the fact that some employers prefer boss love to hiring handsome guys or pretty ladies to be their staffs, they would be invited out of the companies if they are not intelligent enough. Nevertheless, smart employees usually know how to get favors from their boss and have excellent working abilities achieve better results because they can always figure out some good idea for their companies. In fact, I believe that most companies would prefer to keep clever employees who could help their companies to get considerable to succeed and increase their profit there.

    Finally, some people claimed that good-looking people could easily find their love. It is somewhat true because they are more likely to look attractive to more people indeed attract opposite sex at the first time. Nevertheless, true love and a long-term relationship are based on your internal beauty and skills of getting along with your beloved one. A smart guys person always knows their partner's feeling and knows how to make them happy with clever strategies in and various creative ways. Therefore, they never get bored with each other, and their relationship could thus keep in its passion.

    In conclusion, the above-mentioned reasons show that the benefits of cleverness far outweigh the disadvantages of it those of beauty. I hope that teenagers do not focus too much on their external beauty but on improving their intelligence by learning more.

    Yours faithfully,
    Chris Wong

  3. Vincen't Wong's Avatar
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      • Afrikaans
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      • Taiwan
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      • Taiwan

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    • Posts: 45
    #3

    Re: could anyone help me to check my writing ? 11

    Teacher
    You are always the best!!
    I will use my IELTs result to repay your help!
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 14-Apr-2015 at 18:59. Reason: Removed huge unnecessary quote
    English learner

  4. emsr2d2's Avatar
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      • UK
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    • Join Date: Jul 2009
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    #4

    Re: could anyone help me to check my writing ? 11

    Quote Originally Posted by Vincen't Wong View Post
    Teacher Teechar, you are always the best! !
    I will use my IELTs result to repay your help!
    There is no need to write a new post to say "Thank you". Simply click on the "Thank" button in the bottom left-hand corner of any post you find helpful.
    There is no need to quote someone's response back to them. Make sure you spell usernames correctly. One closing punctuation mark suffices.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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