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    #1

    Salary is the most importan consideration when choosing a job. Please check it for me

    Thesis: When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To What extent do you agree or disagree ?
    hihi please check it for me both grama and vocabulary. I spent 4 hours writing this essay. :( I can't afford to go to English Center, so please read and leave any feedbacks. God bless you


    Some people argue that when employees have applied for a positon, the most important consideration is salary. However, I partly agree with this point of view and believe that other factors should be concerned


    On the one hand, It's undeniable that money plays a essential role in employee's life. First, money enables them to meet daily basic needs. For instance, it canbe used for paying food, house, transport, bills and healthcare which are our basic survival needs. In addition, the lack of money make them not to afford to raise their children, to go on holiday, to pursue their hobbies which lead to a pleasure life. That is also the reason for why more and more people quit present jobs in order to seek well- paid jobs


    On the other hand, whether or not money is the only factor affecting employee's decision when choosing a job. I think that other factors are equally important. First, many people would rather to apply for a low-paid job with friendly workplace environment than a high-paid job with harmful workplace environment because the cost of health care maybe far outrweigh the benefit from those jobs. Secondly, getting promotion is one of the main factor which has effect on employees. Many staff believe that getting higher position make them feel happier and more satisfying than gaining much money. Finally, there are innumerable cases in all society, pointing out that many groups of people are working without salary. The volunteers and non-government organisations get involved in the works based on their social responsibilities instead of earing money


    Inconclusion, there are many factors which could affect us when choosing a job. I believe that salary is not the only consideration and other factors should be concerned

    Last edited by jenny dau; 25-Apr-2015 at 06:40.

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    #2

    Re: Salary is the most importan consideration when choosing a job. Please check it fo

    This is an essay, not a thesis.

    Some people argue that when employees have applied apply for a positon, their most important consideration is salary. However, I partly agree with this point of view and believe that other factors should be concerned are considered/taken into consideration/taken into account.


    On the one hand, (If you say "on the one hand", you should follow by "on the other hand" in the next sentence and not the next paragraph) It's undeniable that money plays a essential role in an employee's life.

    First, money enables them(who is them? employees? You used singular and change to plural) to meet daily basic daily needs. For instance, it can be used is needed for paying to pay for food, housing, transport, bills and healthcare which are our basic survival needs for survival. In addition, the lack of money make them not to would prevent them from being able to afford to raise their children, to go on holidays, to pursue their hobbies which lead to a pleasure life and to have a better quality of life. That This is also the reason for why more and more people quit present jobs in order to seek well- paid jobs. would change jobs in order to get higher salaries.

    On the other hand, Whether or not money is the only factor affecting employee's decision when choosing a job...(this sentence is not complete). I think that there are other factors which are equally important. Firstly, many people would rather to apply for choose a lowly-paid job with a friendly workplace environment than a highly-paid job with harmful unhealthy/unpleasant workplace environment because the cost of health care maybe far outweigh the benefit from those jobs.(While on healthcare, you can also talk about the fringe benefits offered by employers to employees which cover healthcare, among others, which would make up for lesser emolument). Secondly, the prospect for promotion getting promotion is one of the main another factors which has effect on employees would consider when looking for a job. Many staff There are employees who believe that getting higher positions would make them feel happier and more satisfying satisfied than gaining much money getting a higher salary. Finally, there are innumerable cases in all society, pointing out that many groups of people are working without salary. The volunteers and non-government organisations get involved in the works based on their social responsibilities instead of earning money (I do not think you should bring the work of voluntary organizations into the discussion as they belong to a different category. People work to earn income to survive. It is only after this basic need is met that people are in a position to offer their time for voluntary/charity work)


    In conclusion, there are many factors which could affect us to be considered when choosing a job. I believe that salary is not the only consideration and other factors should be concerned
    also come into play in the decision.

    Other factors to consider -
    the nature of the work, whether it appeals to the person
    the type of experience which can be gained from a job, the relevance to a person's qualification and for career advancement
    the reputation of the employer
    the organization and staff
    fringe benefits



    not a teacher
    Last edited by tedmc; 25-Apr-2015 at 16:32.

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    #3

    Re: Salary is the most importan consideration when choosing a job. Please check it fo

    I disagree that "on the other hand" must be in the next sentence.

    You are lucky you received this correction. Usually we will not help with assignments that must be submitted for a grade.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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    #4

    Re: Salary is the most importan consideration when choosing a job. Please check it fo

    Barb
    True, there is no hard-and-fast rule to say that "on the one hand " should be immediately followed by "on the other",as long as the two different aspects of the subject are clearly presented. At the same time, the second phrase should not be too far from the first or the effect of contrast and duality would be lost. http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/...the+other+hand

    Anyway, the essay is about the several other factors apart from salary that determine the choice of a job. The phrase mentioned is not really suitable to the context of the essay after all.

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    #5

    Re: Salary is the most importan consideration when choosing a job. Please check it fo

    too much mistake hihi. Thank for your comments and ideas. I'm noting rightnow

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    #6

    Re: Salary is the most importan consideration when choosing a job. Please check it fo

    Quote Originally Posted by jenny dau View Post
    too much mistake hihi. Thank for your comments and ideas. I'm noting rightnow
    Just for your learning: I am trying best to correct your reply jenny:
    It seems that I have made many mistakes! Thank you for your ideas and comments. I'm noting them right now.

    One more thing:
    - "hihi" doesn't seem to be a standard expression; therefore, please avoid using it. [Yes, it might be used in formal speaking by natives - in other cases, like, Hi! Hi man! How're you doing?]

    And I have a feeling, in the last post, you have probably used it instead of "Oops!" or "Alas!" -- Right?

    Not a teacher.

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