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  1. Newbie
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    #1

    please check my essay for IELTS

    title:now a days the way many people interect with each other has changed because of technology.in what ways technology affect the type of relationships people made.has this become a positive or negative development?

    one of the greatest manifestations of 21st century is advancement of technology in all sects of life with leaps and bounds.keeping in view this,we can say accurately,that communication is also one field that has been massively striken by technological pace.earlier it was used to be by means of voice calls via telephone but with the development of different social applications the spectrum has changed.

    if i give a quick glance at past,i can clearly state that it was the time,when we used to describe our various relations on the basis of our personnal and face to face encounters with them.like, this is my school friend,she is the one i met in my college,the one passing by is my university mate or i want to introduce you to my brother, sister or cousin.but now we heard quite commonly words like my pen-pal,my partner,my cyber friend, all multiple relations coming into existence by virtue if internet.this is the one technology that has completely transformed the canvas of relationships.now a days we are just a key away from making interactions with people all over the globe.distances doesnt matter any more.make a account or sign up for free on various social websites,or more above than that install multiple communication apps on smart phones and get it all started.

    Although it has changed many things but still we can appreciate that easy communication has made it dramatically possible to talk and visualize all our far off relatives more apprehently and at reasonable cost.however, the demerits outlaws many things.firstly, comes the availability and access to every age group,regardless of gender.students and aldolscents are the easy victims.they spend hours and hours just pushing buttons and enjoying themselves in whirlpool of fake esctascy.secondly, it has hit the festives and occassions rather badly.now people instead of going to meet each other prefer to send wishes or congratulate just by mercy of this technology.last but not the least, all unseen friendship propagating by means of internet can be a piece of mental and emotional trauma to some people.

    on this point i want to sum up that yes,technology has drifted the real spectrum of relationships, converting it from real to more or less virtual but the merits and demerits of it varies from one individual to next depending on the way it is being used.to my dismay, i would rather like to conclude that it has turned into hideous development.

  2. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: please check my essay for IELTS

    This is not well written.
    I suggest that you rewrite it in a more formal style using simpler and clearer language!
    Also, have a look here to get some ideas for writing essays:
    https://www.usingenglish.com/resources/essays/

    Try again and we'll look at your work.

  3. Newbie
    Student or Learner
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      • Native Language:
      • Urdu
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      • Pakistan
      • Current Location:
      • Pakistan

    • Join Date: Apr 2015
    • Posts: 3
    #3

    Re: please check my essay for IELTS

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    This is not well written.
    I suggest that you rewrite it in a more formal style using simpler and clearer language!
    Also, have a look here to get some ideas for writing essays:
    https://www.usingenglish.com/resources/essays/

    Try again and we'll look at your work.
    thank you.i am definately going to check the link provided and improve it.

  4. emsr2d2's Avatar
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      • UK
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      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 41,868
    #4

    Re: please check my essay for IELTS

    When you rewrite it, remember to follow these rules of written English:

    - Start every sentence with a capital letter.
    - End every sentence with a single, appropriate punctuation mark.
    - Always capitalise the word "I".
    - Always put a space after a comma, full stop, question mark or exclamation mark.
    - Do not put a space before a comma, full stop, question mark or exclamation mark.

    These are rules. They are not optional.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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