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    #1

    Please read and check it for me. many thanks. hihi

    Essay: Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job traight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion

    I spent 3 hours writing this essay for preparing the Ielts Exam ahead. I can't afford to go to English Centre, so please check both grammar and vocabulary. hihi


    The issue of gaining tertiary education is controversy nowadays. Some people argue that school leavers should look for a job after finishing high school instead of spending their valuable time and money on studying at university. However, I believe that university or college education is one of the best way leading to a successful career.

    There are strong arguments in favour of refusing to go to university. To begin with, the costs of studying, including housing tuition and transport, can be costly. On average, a student in my university expends yearly amount of money approximately 5000$. Instead of spending this chunk of money, many young people choose using it to set up business which can lead to a higher income level. Furthermore, the success of jobs, don’t require less tertiary education, but depend on a person’t innate abilities as well as on-the-job training and practical experience. For instance, Bill Gate, the founder of Microsoft Corporation, quited the most well-known university to pursue business career, becoming the richest man in the world.

    In spite of compelling argument, I strong believe that going to university is necessary for anyone to achieve a successful career. Firstly, university education provides learners specialized knowledge in particular fields. Most people standing at high position in company’s hierarchy such as managers, CEOs, directors need university degrees. Secondly, more and more jobs require education beyond high school. College graduates have more suitable jobs to choose from than those who do not pursue tertiary education. Finally, building up their self-discipline and independent thinking ability during the period of studying is one of the most important qualification helping employees to do well jobs

    In conclusion. There are various reasons for why young people don’t choose to go to university. Nevertheless, I think that it would be better for any one to achive university education

    P/s: how can I alter several phrase which is repeated many times in essay: a successful career, go to/ study at university, tertiary education
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 10-May-2015 at 22:10. Reason: Removed religious reference (not part of essay)

  1. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Please read and check it for me. many thanks. hihi

    Quote Originally Posted by jenny dau View Post
    Essay: Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion

    I spent 3 hours writing this essay for preparing in preparation for my the Ielts Exam ahead. I can't afford to go to an English language centre, so please check both grammar and vocabulary. God bless you. hihi
    The issue of Gaining a tertiary education has become a standard goal for many young people. is controversy nowadays. However, some people argue that school leavers should look for a job after finishing high school instead of spending their valuable time and money on studying at university. However, Nevertheless, I believe that university or college education is one of the best ways leading to a successful career.

    There are strong some arguments in favour of refusing to go against going to university. To begin with, the costs of studying, including housing, tuition fees and transport, can be quite daunting. costly. On average, a student in my at university expends a yearly amount of money approximately $5000. 5000$. Instead of spending this chunk sum of money on education, many young people choose using would rather use it to set up their own business from which they can earn an income. lead to a higher income level. However, that is short-term thinking, because spending money on education is investing in one's future, and it is a well-known fact that most university graduates have better careers than those with no degrees. Furthermore, some may argue that the success of jobs, donít success requires no less tertiary education, but depends on a person's innate abilities as well as on their on-the-job training and practical experience. For instance, they note that Bill Gate, the founder of Microsoft Corporation, quited the most well-known quit university to pursue a business career, becoming the richest man in the world. Nonetheless, people like Bill Gates are the exception to the rule and the truth is that most people who drop out of university don't do well in life, whereas those who complete their study programs are in fact successful.

    In spite of compelling the arguments against choosing tertiary education, I strongly believe that going to university is necessary for anyone to achieve a successful career. Firstly, university education provides learners specialized knowledge in particular fields. Furthermore, Most people standing at high position in companyís hierarchy most professionals in high corporate positions such as managers, CEOs and directors need hold university degrees. Secondly, In addition, more and more jobs these days require education beyond high school. Therefore, college graduates have more suitable jobs to choose from than those who do not pursue tertiary education. Finally, building up their self-discipline and the ability to think independently thinking ability during the period of studying at college or university is one of the most important qualities qualification helping employees professionals to do well in their jobs.

    In conclusion. There are various reasons for why some young people donít might not choose to go to university. Nevertheless, having a college or university education is without a doubt the best course for a successful future. I think that it would be better for any one to achive university education

    Please note:
    You should focus in your essay on proving your own point. Therefore, it is important that you keep the opposing arguments short and provide refutations for them (see text in blue). In fact, it would be better if your second paragraph was shorter than your third one.

    Also, use adjectives such as "strong" or "compelling" to support your position, not the opposing position!

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    #3

    Re: Please read and check it for me. many thanks. hihi

    thanks so much. I'm noting right now. God bless you.

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