Results 1 to 2 of 2
  1. leszkoss's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Polish
      • Home Country:
      • Poland
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Dec 2011
    • Posts: 74

    Could you check these short text, please?

    Mike is the backbone of the company. He is very passionate and prolific and generates new concepts that the whole company relies on. He is mostly responsible for success of the company. However, other team member may find it difficult to keep up with Mike’s originality and fervour.

    Ariana appears to possess great work ethos. She is the workhorse of the company. She is very conscientious and diligent. She can assume heavy workload and deliver desired outcomes even when working in critical circumstances and under pressure. Her contribution is very significant. She also possess good analytical skills, which manifest in her accurate assessment of Hectors exaggerated and redundant meticulousness that may impede the whole project.

    Grace appears to be the weakest link in the team. She cannot effectively coordinate work of the team. Her lack of consideration for other team members and ill-thought-out distribution of tasks proves to this. Grace’s performance raises doubts about her credibility and usefulness in the team, and puts her role into question.

    Hector’s perfectionism and attention to detail can be obviously regarded as commendable and very beneficial for the team in some cases. However, according to case study above, Hector is too self-centred and focused on his role, ignoring other aspects of the project. He is very stubborn in his reluctance to cooperate with other departments. His disregard for other team members combined with excessive meticulousness are rather detrimental.

    Grace has a lot to ponder over her performance and attitude in the team. Hey lack of commitment and negligence are discreditable. Grace must holistically change the way she manages her role. Otherwise she may prove to be a burden on the company.

    Hector must ease up on his perfectionism. He must understand that it does not always work well for the project. He should change his attitude and be more open-minded. He should try to grasp the ‘big picture’, and not overly focus on his narrow specialization. He should be more willing to cooperate with other team members and make concessions if needed.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Dec 2009
    • Posts: 6,332

    Re: Could you check these short text, please?

    ***** NOT A TEACHER *****

    Hello, Leszkoss:

    First, congratulations on your great English. I just noticed a few minor problems, such as forgetting the "s" form in "She also possesses ...."

    The biggest "mistake" that jumped out at me was your mentioning Hector in the second paragraph (about Ariana).

    I think that it would read better if you told us about Hector BEFORE you mention him in the paragraph about Ariana.

    Maybe your paragraphs should be in this order:

    Mike is the backbone ....

    Hector's perfectionism ....

    He [Hector] must ease up ....

    Ariana appears to ....

    Grace appears to be the weakest ...

    She [Grace] has a lot to ....

Similar Threads

  1. Please check this short text as a preparation for CAE
    By leszkoss in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 01-Jul-2012, 22:35
  2. Please could anybody check this short text
    By leszkoss in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 15-Dec-2011, 10:52
  3. Help with a short text
    By amilia in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 21-May-2011, 23:25
  4. Replies: 1
    Last Post: 16-Apr-2009, 15:31
  5. please check my short text
    By ernest1a in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 13-Aug-2008, 13:52


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts