You don't need hit us over the head with "older generation" and "younger generation." We get it.The older generation has a lot more life experience than [more natural, less wordy] the younger generation and is therefore able to offer sound advice to young adults.
In the area of work, older people [This is a logic issue. A generation can't share. Only people (of a generation) can share.] can share the experience [Singular. The word experience is somewhat idiomatic. The plural is okay, but it infers specific experiences. By dropping the S, your talking about old people's general, broad experience, which fits your meaning better.] they've had working at a certain job
,and describe its advantages as well as disadvantages. This makes it easier for someone entering the job market for the first time to decide whether a career in a desired field is really suitable ["Suited for them" doesn't agree with the singular noun someone.]. Additionally, older people [The term "older generation" is getting tiresome.] can also help with tips on which skill sets one must acquire in order[Unnecessary, wordy, adds nothing] to secure a dream job.
The wisdom that comes with age
,[Your dependent clause turns the noun into a noun phrase. No comma.] can also be used to help the younger generationyoung people in the field of finance. Personal financial management is a skill not many young people possess. Sound advice [If you want to keep the "A," say "A sound bit of advice" or "A sound piece of advice] on how to budget, save and invest is crucial to the quality of life of each independent individual, especially at this time, when the credit card debt among [Amongst sounds frilly and quaint.] young people is at its all time high. [An editor might let you capitalize the E for dramatic effect. But you're writing for a test, so it's better to just use a complete sentence there.]
Even though work is a big part of everyone’s life, I believe that young people can benefit the most by learning to properly manage their own money. To become truly independent, people must learn how to live within their [Use gender-neutral language for gender-neutral statements.] means and not spend more thatthey earn [Verb/noun agreement.]. Failing to do so may have serious consequences on the quality of an individual's life. [You needed a subject noun. I put in a gerund.]
Hope all that helps. Good luck with the the test. I think you'll ace it!
Student or Learner