Hello :)

I am applying for a Master's degree in Economics and International Trade at a Chinese university (with scholarship), could you please tell me what you think about my personal statement, and help me correct my mistakes ? I would be very happy if you could give me some advice to improve it!

Thank you very much in advance


My name is Kanagat ***, I was born in 1992 in Turkmenistan and raised in Kazakhstan, countries both located on the world-famous Silk Road, formed by several routes of trade and cultural exchanges that linked the major civilizations of Asia, Europe and Africa.



As the eldest child of a retail-trader, I have always been fascinated by my fatherís business. During summers, I would always be around at his shop, greet customers, and do my best to help my father run the family business. After I graduated from secondary school, I was told about the opportunity of studying in China. The idea of becoming an overseas student was a complete challenge to me, as I did not speak a word of Chinese, and my English was pretty basic at that time. I knew about some friends' relatives who imported products from China and I was dreaming of giving my fatherís small business an international dimension, that's why I decided I had to learn Chinese. After a year of studying elementary Chinese at Xinjiang Agricultural Vocational Technical College in Changji, I chose Shandong University - near Confuciusí native place - to improve my language level before enrolling in the International Trade and Economics Bachelorís degree program.


Shandong University was the second modern national university to be founded in China in 1901, and is nowadays a top-ranking Chinese university, as well as one of the largest in the country. Being a student at this renowned university for five years gave me a chance to learn about Chinese traditional culture and enjoy the true kindness of Shandong people. I immediately identified with the values of altruism, honesty and respect of oneís parents and elder, that are central in my own culture as well. As a student in the International Class, I learned to work together with students coming from countries I had hardly heard about before. This involved learning to accept different ways of thinking and different studying and working methods. This experience helped me improve my communication skills, and I have become more flexible and adaptable to new environments. The fact of living far from my country and my family for so long has also taught me to rely on myself, get more self-confident - especially when facing a problem - and become a responsible person, faster than if I had stayed home. Besides, thanks to the multicultural environmental I have been living in for years, I have become a much more open-minded person, eager to learn new languages. Kazakh is my native language, but I am perfectly fluent in Russian since my country was part of the Soviet Union until 1991. I arrived in China with absolutely no knowledge of Chinese and I passed HSK 5 this year. My progress in Chinese encourages me to keep making efforts to improve my English, and I have started to learn French. I believe languages are the key to the understanding of people and their culture, as well as a necessary tool to achieve my career goals.


I will graduate from my Bachelorís degree next month, but I feel that, although I got a solid basic knowledge in the field of my studies, I still need to expand and deepen it. I am very interested in Business Administration, Logistics and Start-up Administration, subjects that were not taught during my Bachelor's degree and that are part of Fuzhou University master's degree program. I am also particularly looking forward to attending the Demography, Natural Resources and Environment subject, as I believe it represents a key issue for our modern world, and a challenge for giant countries such as China and India. As I come from a country which economy substantially relies on the exploitation of natural resources, it interests me a lot.


In addition to the specific contents of the master's program I am applying for, there are many other reasons for me to choose Fuzhou University. One of them is the location of Fuzhou. As a major coastal city in southern China and the capital city of Fujian Province, Fuzhou is undoubtedly a great economic and cultural center. The location of Fujian Province between Zhejiang and Guangdong provinces and on Taiwan Straight, its long history of migrations; as well as the presence of numerous special zones on its territory Ė that keep expanding, as Xiamen, Fuzhou and Pingtan new free trade zones began operations last month in order to increase economic cooperation between the mainland and Taiwan - are the proof of its dynamism and openness. I believe these characteristics make the ideal environment to start making my own experiments in the professional field I have chosen. Besides, the excellent air quality, the beautiful and rich nature surrounding Fuzhou, its human size and its nice climate all the year round are, to me, its greatest advantages. The fact that there are only few other foreign students studying at Fuzhou University also represents an advantage for me as it will encourage me to communicate with Chinese students and get a better immersion experience, both from linguistic and cultural point of view.


My family has always been very supportive, and I feel very grateful for all the efforts my parents made for me. I have studied as a self-supported student during the whole length of my language studies and my bachelor's degree, but, as the eldest of three children, I wish my two other siblings can have the same chance as I did. As my parents can no longer afford to help me financially, I am applying for a scholarship to pursue my studies further.


I hope this application will receive your favorable consideration and I will be happy to meet you at your convenience and provide any additional information you may need. I look forward to receiving your reply.


Sincerely,


Kanagat ***