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    Could you proofread my Phd motivation letter

    Dear all,

    I want to apply a phd program. Here is my motivation letter. I am not English native speaker, so I really need your help to correct the grammar and vocabulary in this letter. I also wish you can give me some suggestions to make it better.


    Y. Wang


    Dear Sir or Madam,

    My name is Yu Wang. I am currently working in the reseach department of XXX Group as an R&D engineer. I am writing to apply for your Ph.D. program.

    A Ph.D. for me is more than just a degree title. It is a visionary approach to push the boundary of knowledge and an opportunity to contribute to the advancement of technology. That motivates me to pursue a Ph.D. program as I can have the opportunity to improve people's lives.

    In the future, computer science will lift people's lives to a new level because computer touches almost all the human activities in entertainment, business, or even politics. Meanwhile, computer science offers vast and rich opportunities for multidisciplinary research as most other science disciplines are somehow connected to it. That is yet another incentive for me to choose computer science as my research area.

    In my previous years of study, I have proven myself as a highly motivated and hard working student. I graduated from the XXXX University of Technology (China) with an average score of 86% which ranked me in the top 5% out of 500 students. Afterwards, I maintained my outstanding performance in my master study in artificial intelligence at the University of XXXX (UK) where I got the overall merit grade with a distinction in three courses: Machine Learning, Computer Animation and Advanced Vision.

    Apart from my high academic grades, I have a strong passion for analysing and solving practical problems. Since my junior year, I participated in XXXX program to use C++ and OpenSceneGraph to model the lunar surface using data collected by the lunar probe. This program deepened my understanding of programming knowledge and gave me the first experience of how to work in the lab.

    Moreover, I can get myself quickly involved in a team and help my fellow team members with my innovative thinking. During the robotics laboratory work, my partner quit in mid-term, I therefore joined a new team but was quickly able to integrate with my new team mates. While other teams were struggling with how to improve object detection accuracy by enhancing their algorithm, I creatively designed an 'Auto-lifting Camera' structure to solve this problem. This experience not only enhanced my knowledge of computer vision and robotics, but also taught me how to work in a team.

    My master dissertation, supervised by XXXXX, was a trial to provide a graphics tools for biological research. We wanted to build a system that mice can yield behaviour by the distribution of heat in their environment. In this project, the mice were simulated by soft-body model, heat diffusion was simulated by solving the heat equation in a discrete method, and an 'Action-environment Mapping' was used to control the mice actions. From research review to project completion, I gained a lot of valuable research skills such as conducting a thorough literature review, paper management skills, critical thinking and analytical problem-solving skills, which will be very useful in my future Ph.D. research.

    In July 2014, I started working in research department of XXXX Group. Sinnce then, I have applied my professional skills in designing the 'virtual studio' project, and I was very luck to have the opportunity to attend the SIGGRAPH Asia 2014. These experiences shaped my career aspiration of becoming a researcher. That is why I wish to apply for the Ph.D. program in your university which I can see fits the area of research I'm interested in. And I am very confident that my creative mind, sense of teamwork and training during previous research work will help me perform well in your Ph.D. program.

    Yours Sincerely,

    Yu Wang
    Last edited by YuWang; 14-May-2015 at 07:45.

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    Re: Could you proofread my Phd motivation letter

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