[General] Letter Correction

[shakil123]

Hi, Can you please correct the following letter which needs to be submitted to my Manager.

To
The Manager,

Subj: Resume of my Wife

Hi John, I am attaching my Wife resume for your consideration and help to get the job in any department in DGT Company. As you know that She is away from Job for more than 6 years because of Health Problem. She had again severe health problem six months ago due to side effects which medicine she was taking after surgery. Doctor's panel strongly suggested that she should keep busy in any work to avoid going into danger zone. So she took admission in many course to keep her busy and completed many refresher courses. Currently She is also doing coop in DRT Company and will be completed this month. I would like request you to please do some special help her to get any job in this DGT company. It help her to back in life. I would be much thankful for your kind help.
Regards.

 

[emsr2d2]

Hi, Can you please correct the following letter which needs to be submitted to my Manager.

To
The Manager,

Subj: Resumé [STRIKE]of my Wife[/STRIKE] for [your wife's name]

Hi John,

I am attaching my wife's resumé for your consideration and to help her to get [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] a job in any department in DGT Company. As you know, [STRIKE]that[/STRIKE] she [STRIKE]is away from Job[/STRIKE] has been unemployed for more than [STRIKE]6[/STRIKE] six years [STRIKE]because of[/STRIKE] due to health problems. She had [STRIKE]again[/STRIKE] severe health problems again six months ago due to the side effects [STRIKE]which[/STRIKE] of medicine she was taking after surgery. The doctor's panel strongly suggested that she should keep busy [STRIKE]in any[/STRIKE] at work to avoid going into the danger zone. [STRIKE]So[/STRIKE] She [STRIKE]took admission in[/STRIKE] enrolled on many courses to keep her busy and completed many refresher courses. Currently she is also doing coop (I don't understand the underlined part) [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] at DRT Company and will [STRIKE]be completed[/STRIKE] finish there this month. I would like to request that you [STRIKE]to please do some special[/STRIKE] help her to get any job in this DGT company. It will help her to get back [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] to a normal life. I would be [STRIKE]much thankful[/STRIKE] very grateful for your kind help.
Regards.

See my amendments above. I have not changed the content but I have corrected the grammar. In my opinion, you should not give so many details about your wife's extensive health problems - honestly, it doesn't make her sound particularly employable. I would say that she has been out of work for six years due to health problems but I would then go on to give more positive statements about her - what she is good at, how she would benefit the company etc.

Also, you and she must understand that she is going to have to make more effort herself. She can't just do a resumé and then wait for you and your manager to find her a job. I can understand that you want to help her but I think she should have written the resumé and the covering letter herself and that your only role should be to forward those to your manager.

 

[tedmc]

I agree with emsr about having the wife, who is applying for the job, to write the letter of application herself. She should focus more on the positives and what she can contribute to the company rather than on the negatives, short of appealing for sympathy.

 

[shakil123]

Hi, Thanks for the correction and this letter is just showing some sympathy but you are right that we should show some positiveness in this letter and mention that she can contribute to the company and can be good asset to the company. I will be much grateful if you can change the letter and include/add some general best senetences in the letter which will be really good letter to send to my Manager. Thanks

 

[emsr2d2]

We don't know your wife so we can't write her covering letter for her. Only she knows what contributions she will make to the company if they decide to employ her. Ask her to write the letter herself and, if you have time, you can post it here and we will look at it. Of course, it would probably be better if she joined this forum and asked for help with her English herself.

 

[shakil123]

Hi, We have added some sentence in the following letter which will submit to my Manager. Can you please check and advise that this letter is OK and showing positive. If some things needs to added then please add the sentence or make the correction. Again thanks for your help on this letter.


To
The Manager,

Subj: Resume for Amarta

Hi John,
I am attaching my wife's resume for your consideration and to help her to get a job in any department in DGT Company. As you know, she has been unemployed for more than six years due to health problems. She had severe health problems again six months ago due to the side effects of medicine she was taking after surgery. The doctor's panel strongly suggested that she should keep busy at work to avoid going into the danger zone. She enrolled on many courses to keep her busy and completed many refresher courses. Currently she is also doing coop at DRT Company and will finish there this month. I would like to request that you help her to get any job in this DGT Company. It will help her to get back to a normal life. She is confident that both her technical and personal skills would be an asset to the company and can make an immediate contribution to the company. I would be very grateful for your kind help.
Regards.

 

[shakil123]

Hi, I have added some more sentences in the following letter which will submit to my Manager. Can you please check and advise that is letter OK? and Is showing positive not sympathy letter?. If some things needs to added then please add the sentence or make the correction. Again thanks for your help on this letter.


To
The Manager,

Subj: Resume for Amarta

Hi John,
I am attaching my wife's resume for your consideration and to help her to get a job in any department in DGT Company. As you know, she has been unemployed for more than six years due to health problems. She had severe health problems again six months ago due to the side effects of medicine she was taking after surgery. The doctor's panel strongly suggested that she should keep busy at work to avoid going into the danger zone. She enrolled on many courses to keep her busy and completed many refresher courses. Currently she is also doing coop at DRT Company and will finish there this month. I would like to request that you help her to get any job in this DGT Company. It will help her to get back to a normal life. She is confident that both her technical and personal skills would be an asset to the company and can make an immediate contribution to the company. I would be very grateful for your kind help.
Regards.

 

[shakil123]

Review My letter for correction

Hi, Can you please review my following letter and correct any mistake or add any sentence so that Letter should give better image not sympathy of Candidate. I have to submit the following letter to my Manager for job. Thnaks.

To
The Manager,

Subj: Resume for Amarta

Hi John,
I am attaching my wife's resume for your consideration and to help her to get a job in any department in DGT Company. As you know, she has been unemployed for more than six years due to health problems. She had severe health problems again six months ago due to the side effects of medicine she was taking after surgery. The doctor's panel strongly suggested that she should keep busy at work to avoid going into the danger zone. She enrolled on many courses to keep her busy and completed many refresher courses. Currently she is also doing coop at DRT Company and will finish there this month. I would like to request that you help her to get any job in this DGT Company. It will help her to get back to a normal life. She is confident that both her technical and personal skills would be an asset to the company and can make an immediate contribution to the company. I would be very grateful for your kind help.
Regards.

 

[emsr2d2]

Re: Review My letter for correction

I have merged your two threads because your new letter is simply an updated version of your original. There was no need to start a new thread. It will help readers to know what advice you had already been given.

 

[tedmc]

Shakil

This is a letter of recommendation to your employer for your wife to be employed in the company. It is not a resume. A resume contains detailed particulars of a job applicant which includes the biodata, qualifications, work experience, etc.

What do you mean by "going into the danger zone"?

What is "doing coop at DRT company"?

As mentioned, a letter written by your wife would be more effective.

 

[emsr2d2]

However, tedmc, the opening line does say "I'm attaching a resumé for my wife" so this is a covering letter to go with it.

Shakil, if you go back to post #2 and look at my comments and corrections, you will see that, amongst other things, I already queried what "doing coop" means. You have not yet dealt with that query but you have repeated the meaningless phrase in your updated letter.

 

[shakil123]

Hi, I know this is not a resume. Resume will be attached with the letter. This is only a letter which I will send to my Manager for Job consideration and I hope he will consider but just I wanted to know that this letter is OK in every respect and this letter should not see as a sympathy letter. All contents in this letter is truth and my Manager is also knows every things but my letter should show that My wife was away from job for many years but because of some genuine health reason but she is very good and she is very good learner and could be a good asset if considered.
You all guys are very good in this forum and have better English understanding that’s why I joined this forum to get the better idea and help to find out any error from my letter. I am already very grateful that someone has already corrected my letter. Now I need some last finishing touch in my letter so that I can send it to My Manager for Job’s consideration. Thanks.

 

[tedmc]

The title of the letter 'resume for Amarta' is not appropriate then as it is meant to be an attachment to the letter. You could use 'Request for a Job for Amarta'.

We need to undertand what you write to be able to edit your letter, so we need your answer to the two questions (danger zone and coop).

 

[shakil123]

Hi, Yes. I know this is not a resume. This is a recommendation. I will attach the resume with the letter. The mean of "going into the danger zone" was very critical condition. DRT is a IT related company where she is doing coop in data analyst. I already mentioned that I'll send the letter to my Manager and I think it will be more effective because he knows me very well. Hope you will review my letter and correct or add sentence for more effectiveness of letter. Thanks again for your help.

 

[DECObrice]

I would like to know if it is a letter sent by a computer, the format of the letter can be more convenient? connector Yazaki

 

[emsr2d2]

For the fourth time - what does "doing coop" mean? It is not an English phrase. You need to explain it or it is impossible to help you further.