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    #1

    Story Written.

    A couple moved from Peru South America to Washington State in the U.S.A. The Mrs liked everything about the move, but he did Not. They were visited by the local security from time to time just to get acquainted with this new couple. The Mr had a hard time getting acquainted with his new surroundings and always fussed about it to the security people and the Mrs didn't understand why. As time past, he got worse and would get enraged at the security personal. One day he attacked them and they had to shoot him in front of the Mrs.

    One of the security personnel ask the other should they take the one they shot away, to which the other security person said no, give her some time with him and we will do that later. Later that day they returned to take him away and noticed the Mrs was laying next to him and she was dead as well. The autopsy stated he died from trying to harm security and she died from a broken heart.

    Now for the rest of the story, these two were Lamas from Peru and given to the Washington State zoo as a gift from the Peru state zoo. It has been asked many times do animals grieve? Thoughts? Paul

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    #2

    Re: Story Written.

    Please edit the above story. Paul

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    #3

    Re: Story Written.

    Quote Originally Posted by Paul James View Post
    Please edit the above story. Paul
    I like your story (if that means anything to you). It reads well and builds to a powerful climax. Unless I were forced to, I wouldn't change anything not to disrupt the flow but could take issues with you on the last sentence. Let's wait and see what others have to say.

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    #4

    Re: Story Written.

    Egaslath,
    Thank you. Paul

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    #5

    Re: Story Written.

    A couple moved from Peru, South America to Washington State in the U.S.A. The Mrs liked everything about the move, but he did not. They were visited by the local security from time to time just to get acquainted with this new couple. The Mr had a hard time getting acquainted with his new surroundings and always fussed about it to the security people and the Mrs didn't understand why. As time past passed, he got worse and would get enraged at the security personal. One day he attacked them and they had to shoot him in front of the Mrs.

    One of the security personnel asked the other should they whether they should take the one they shot away, to which the other security person said no. He told her to give her them some time with him and we will they would do that later. Later that day they returned to take him away and noticed the Mrs was laying lying next to him and she was dead as well. The autopsy stated he died from trying to harm security and she died from a broken heart.

    Now for the rest of the story, these two were lamas from Peru and were given to the Washington State zoo as a gift from the Peru state zoo. It has been asked many times,"do animals grieve?". Thoughts? Paul

    not a teacher

    I do not like the use of 'Mr' and 'Mrs' to distinguish between the male and the female. Assigning names would solve that.

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    #6

    Re: Story Written.

    Tedmc,
    Thank you. I didn't think of names for the characters. I will work on that. Am I heading in the right direction for story writing? Paul
    Last edited by Paul James; 29-May-2015 at 18:34. Reason: Thought on last sentence.

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