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    #1

    What's wrong?

    Dear members and teachers.


    What's wrong with the sentence below? Some members from a grammar forum stated that the conjunction AS is doing a dirty work, and that the statement is in bad writing.

    "As hundreds streamed in, more than 700 people filled every seat in the pews and more than 100 stood in the doors along the side."


    I ask for your help in letting me to understand what it is really wrong.

  1. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: What's wrong?

    The apprentice, I'm sure you have been on the forum long enough to know that thread titles should be relevant and contain some or all of the words you are querying. "What's wrong?" is no help. Your thread could have been called "As hundreds streamed in" or something similar.

    It's not the neatest sentence and I would certainly say "doorways" instead of "doors" but I don't have a problem with "as" at the beginning. It's not really necessary and I would probably omit it, adding "with" before the first "more".
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 31-May-2015 at 20:27.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  2. Matthew Wai's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: What's wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by The apprentice View Post
    stood in the doors
    Someone standing in a door is inside the door, so it doesn't make sense.

    Not a teacher.

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    #4

    Re: What's wrong?

    Thanks emsr2d2.

    Following are some of the comments made by members of the aforementioned forum.

    (1) «Yup. Poor writing. "[Favorite big group word here (e.g. masses of, hordes of, etc.) (not necessary)] People streamed in, filling the more than [700/seven hundred; I'm not picky but you might want to match later] seats in the pews, with more than a hundred lining the doorways along the side(s)."»

    (2) «"Hundreds streamed in. More than 700 filled the pews, and 100 more stood in the doorways along the side."»

    (3) «
    For me, the problem is the grouping and numbering, going from non-specific to specific, even if estimated. Why not just say, "People streamed in, filling more than 700 seats with more than 100 left standing"?

    I also hate it when you see, common in advertising, "More than 17 in stock!" That's a specific number, so why don't they just say that they have the actual number?»

    (4) «
    I agree with (No 2). Keep the prose tight; too many figures and prepositions can muddle things.»
    Last edited by The apprentice; 31-May-2015 at 06:48.

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    #5

    Re: What's wrong?

    I don't understand what the author means by 'the conjunction as is doing a dirty work'.

    A native speaker wouldn't say that.

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    #6

    Re: What's wrong?

    Rover_KE

    I go along with you, I don't see the dirty work (that) AS is doing either; even in British English (BrE).
    Last edited by The apprentice; 31-May-2015 at 06:35.

  3. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: What's wrong?

    It's the first time I've heard of a word being accused of doing dirty work!
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  4. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: What's wrong?

    Ems, you should specify which "more" you referred to.
    Last edited by MikeNewYork; 31-May-2015 at 02:12. Reason: clarification

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