Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 14
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Polish
      • Home Country:
      • Poland
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Apr 2015
    • Posts: 14
    #1

    The Crow

    Last edited by exvagrant; 08-Jul-2015 at 13:52.

  1. emsr2d2's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 41,919
    #2

    Re: The Crow

    It's too long for me to deal with the whole thing right now, but I've read the first couple of sentences. My revisions are:

    Last week, on my way back to work, I killed a crow. ("back to work" is much simpler than "back to the company I work for", and we don't say "a crow bird". It's just a "crow".)

    I had never killed a crow before. (You need the past perfect here because it refers to a time before the time you killed this crow. You can't say "the crow" because that suggests you had never killed this specific crow before. That is illogical - if you had killed it before, it would have been dead and you couldn't have killed it again!)
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Polish
      • Home Country:
      • Poland
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Apr 2015
    • Posts: 14
    #3

    Re: The Crow

    Thanks at least for that. Now, when you pointed it out I realize you right :) I know grammar but have problem to get used to it and no one in real world to correct me . Hope practice makes perfect. :)
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 02-Jun-2015 at 19:29. Reason: Removed unnecessary quote

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 41,919
    #4

    Re: The Crow

    Quote Originally Posted by exvagrant View Post
    Thanks at least for that. Now (no comma here) when that you have pointed it out, I realize you are right. :) I know grammar but have problems/a problem to get getting used to it and I have no one in the real world to correct me. Hopefully, practice makes perfect. :)
    See my corrections above. Please don't try to make your own emoticons. On the rare occasion that they are needed, click on and choose from the many available to you.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Polish
      • Home Country:
      • Poland
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Apr 2015
    • Posts: 14
    #5

    Re: The Crow

    Originally posted by emsr2d2:

    "Now (no comma here) when that you have pointed it out"
    Is it possible to use "when" in sentences like above at all? I am asking because in my language it is very natural to use equivalent in that kind of sentences therefore it is very difficult for me do not use it unless I will understand it thoroughly.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 02-Jun-2015 at 21:28. Reason: Added quote box and attribution

  3. emsr2d2's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 41,919
    #6

    Re: The Crow

    Quote Originally Posted by exvagrant View Post
    Is it possible to use "when" in sentences like above at all? I am asking because in my language it is very natural to use equivalent in that kind of sentences therefore it is very difficult for me do not use it unless I will understand it thoroughly.
    The standard phrase is "Now that ..." so I would use "Now that you point it out" or "Now that you have pointed it out". If you want to use "When", I would say something like "When you put it like that, I can see what you mean" or "When someone explains it to me, I understand".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Polish
      • Home Country:
      • Poland
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Apr 2015
    • Posts: 14
    #7

    Re: The Crow

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    The standard phrase is "Now that ..." so I would use "Now that you point it out" or "Now that you have pointed it out". If you want to use "When", I would say something like "When you put it like that, I can see what you mean" or "When someone explains it to me, I understand".
    What about using "when" in the past ?

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Apr 2014
    • Posts: 3,355
    #8

    Re: The Crow

    The Crow
    Last Friday, on my way back to the company I work for, I killed a crow bird.

    I had never killed the a crow before. As a lorry driver, I had killed many pigeons, at least a dozen the last five years, and I am not very proud of it. However, after some time, I became reconciled myself to happening itdoing it sometimes and to having no any influence on it and not be affected by it. At first stage the beginning, when I killed one of the first pigeon, I explained it to myself it was just a stupid bird but my feelings were far from settling settled for quite a while. Once, I got very angry when a pigeon destroyed a mirror in of the lorry by hitting it and killing himself itself instantly making a wreath shower of down feathers hanging in the air for a while like exploded snowing ball and then snowing down. I don’t know how much a new mirror were cost but I know my boss didn’t believe my story at all. Speaking with other drivers, I found out it is quite common among pigeons to die this way and after another occurrence I got a sudden enlightenment. I realized that pigeons are not stupid. On the contrary, they are unbelievably clever. I came to the conclusion pigeons commit suicides this way as soon as they realize how cruel the world is and how pointless life is in it. I also have been persuaded by the way pigeons were doing it. They would always came come out of nowhere with at an incredible speed usually changing theirs flying route veering straight into an oncoming lorry not without giving me the driver any chance to avoid it and without hurting posing a risk to others people on the motorway. And then – bang! The remains of the corpse, feathers and often sheet on lorry, broken mirror or sometimes even cracked window screen. Instant death. Another pigeon left his troubles behind by committing selfish suicide selfishly and sowing my soul with grieve and remorse for rest of the day.

    But let’s go back to the crow.
    Crows are another matter. They never ever commit suicide. It seems they want to stay on this world no matter how cruel it is. They seem just don’t not to care about it. It rather looks like they have different problem in their heads and to be honest I do not have any idea what it can could be but one thing I am quite certain is that they, because of that, don’t give a damn about what is going on in this world about. Crows are very happy about what they find on roads and motorways though. They realize that many pigeons, and in particular, rabbits, mice, rats and other rodents, give up their lifes lives under a vehicle’s wheels and becoming an excellent source of food. One can see crows on the road feasting on corpses every single day if they happen to be on the trip passing by. Crows don’t give a hoot to oncoming lorries or others wheeled monsters, and very reluctantly leaving the table (?) just in time and getting back before wind being sacked behind the vehicle disappear (?) making birds' feathers dancing in the air for a while as if they got are still alive.
    I thought, it is quite easy to be clever enough to commit suicide like a pigeon but how clever one has to be knowing the world and behave like a crow? Or… how stupid…
    Anyway…, I completely fell in love with crows so imagine how did I fell last Friday, but don’t pick your nose when I spin a yarn…
    Last edited by tedmc; 03-Jun-2015 at 17:31.
    I am not a teacher.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Polish
      • Home Country:
      • Poland
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Apr 2015
    • Posts: 14
    #9

    Re: The Crow

    Thanks for your correction. However, I don’t quite fallow some of your suggestions.
    Below just three of them:

    1. I became reconciled --- What wrong with it? I found that description of it: “Becoming reconciled to something means putting up with something because it is not going to go away” and that what I meant. Oxford dictionary also shows it as correct. So, what do you think is wrong there?
    2. having no any influence on it and not be affected by it – If I understand dictionary correctly have no influence on sth and not to be affected are two completely different things. The latter changes sense of sentence. Question again: what did you meant by changing it?
    3. You changed: “wreath of down feathers “ into “shower of feathers” . Why ??? After oxford dictionary: “wreath - an object wound or coiled into a circular shape” , it can be metal and it can be smoke… in my text it is down of feathers: after oxford dictionary: down – “Soft loose fluffy feathers, as on young birds (used in cushions, quilts, etc.). “ If you use it first time you could say down feather (instead down only) to make clear what you meat and that is what I did. Why shower of feathers then?

    Nevertheless, thanks for help. I see that articles and using correct tense is what I need to learn more. Thanks.

  4. emsr2d2's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 41,919
    #10

    Re: The Crow

    You can have a "wreath of down". "Down" means "young, fluffy feathers" so you don't need to repeat the word "feathers".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. deep crow
    By Daruma in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 02-Aug-2009, 08:54
  2. Jim Crow
    By sherryo in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 12-Nov-2008, 00:01
  3. The Fox and the Crow
    By Noego in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 08-Oct-2007, 15:00
  4. To look like a crow in drag
    By ccarmo in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 25-Sep-2007, 00:01
  5. The Tattletaling Crow
    By Ayed in forum General Language Discussions
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 28-Oct-2003, 15:26

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •