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  1. jesco's Avatar
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    #1

    Question A brief description

    The semi-new fishing-rod sits used and exhausted. It has been through thick and thin, though, the rod still stands. Evaporated salt coats the exterior; yet the interior, coated with oil, is pristine. Despite its malformed looks; it retains a bit of luck. As the fishermen say: lets use it one more time; to see if it will give us a bit of luck.

    Below is a revised version after your input. I also added more structure to this brief descriptive essay.

    topic: a fishing rod


    The semi-new fishing rod sits in an empty garage, used and exhausted. It has been through thick and thin, though the rod still stands. Salt coats the exterior of a weather beaten reel, yet the interior, coated with oil, is pristine. Despite its malformed looks, it retains a bit of luck.

    The rod guides appear rusted and dainty; they are straight and aligned. They're anchored by strands of fiberglass; stronger than steel. Some have torn from their anchor points, but still remain functional.

    As a whole, it represents a work-of-art, a masterpiece; a divine thing designed to capture a divine mammal.

    As a whole, it will only last a while, but will retain its luck. This luck will become part of another, and so on.


    thanks in advance
    Last edited by jesco; 14-Jun-2015 at 10:51. Reason: Removed quote box to make responses easier : edit by jeso: added revised version and added more structure. #saltwater

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    #2

    Re: A brief description

    The semi-new fishing (no hyphen) rod sits (where?), used and exhausted. It has been through thick and thin, though(,) the rod still stands. Evaporated salt coats the exterior, yet the interior, coated with oil, is pristine. Despite its malformed looks, it retains a bit of luck. As the fishermen say: let's use it one more time to see if it will give us a bit of luck.


    I am not a teacher.

  2. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: A brief description

    I would use the hyphen in semi-new. I don't see a need for a word after "sits".

  3. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: A brief description

    "It has been through thick and thin, though, the rod still stands" doesn't work with that punctuation.

    It has been through thick and thin yet the rod still stands.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  4. Roman55's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: A brief description

    I am not a teacher.


    What's 'evaporated salt'?

  5. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: A brief description

    I assume it meant salt water.

  6. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: A brief description

    It was probably a crust of salt, left behind when the water evaporated.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  7. jesco's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: A brief description

    I am responding to bump as well as apologize for duplicating a post. I think my mistake was the title. I used the exact same title and posted my revised content as well as extra structure to the essay.

    There is no such thing as evaporated salt, but there is such a thing as evaporated salt water, which yields salt. I revised my essay and added extra structure..is that allowed? lol.

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    #9

    Re: A brief description

    Not evaporated saltwater.

    Salt deposit from seawater maybe, or are there better suggestions?
    I am not a teacher.

  8. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: A brief description

    I would simply say "Salt coats the outside". I'm not familiar with fishing rods so I don't really understand how it can have an exterior and an interior.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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