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  1. B45
    Guest
    #1

    Is this okay: Hello ladies and gents, I've been invited to participate in a dating

    Is this okay:

    Hello ladies and gents,

    I've been invited to participate in a dating show next month but unfortunately I won't be in town for the fourth of July weekend. If you are a single male between the ages of 21 and 35, a recent grad or currently employed, and have one to two hours to spare on the weekend, hit me up and I'll add you to this group. Oh yah, and you have to be in LA... The show is televised on cable TV in the U.S. and can be streamed on youtube and youku.
    Last edited by bhaisahab; 15-Jun-2015 at 18:43. Reason: Remove advertising link.

  2. B45
    Guest
    #2

    Re: Is this okay: Hello ladies and gents, I've been invited to participate in a dat

    Can someone please take a look at it before it falls off the page. Thanks.

  3. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Is this okay: Hello ladies and gents, I've been invited to participate in a dat

    I would get rid of "Oh yah" and the ellipsis after LA.

  4. B45
    Guest
    #4

    Re: Is this okay: Hello ladies and gents, I've been invited to participate in a dat

    Hello ladies and gents,

    I've been invited to participate in a dating show next month but unfortunately I won't be in town for the fourth of July weekend. If you are a single male between the ages of 21 and 35, a recent grad or currently employed, and have one to two hours to spare on the weekend, hit me up and I'll add you to this group. Plus, I forgot to mention, you have to be in LA. The show is televised on cable TV in the U.S. and can be streamed on youtube and youku.

    Better?

  5. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Is this okay: Hello ladies and gents, I've been invited to participate in a dat

    Yes.

  6. B45
    Guest
    #6

    Re: Is this okay: Hello ladies and gents, I've been invited to participate in a dat

    Everything else is good then? I hope.

  7. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Is this okay: Hello ladies and gents, I've been invited to participate in a dat

    It works for me.

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    #8

    Re: Is this okay: Hello ladies and gents, I've been invited to participate in a dat

    I would put commas around unfortunately.

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