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    #1

    Unhappy I have a question regarding a paragraph

    Hello,

    So I have this paragraph written for a company's page. It's just a quick "About Us" kind of text so people would know more about the company. Please take a look and help me fix it to make it more professional or just simply edit the tenses if there's any.

    "Our Story

    High-Quality Products and Highly-Rated Customer Care
    For more than 40 years, The Company has driven the food industry with its high quality products, at a very affordable price. We want you to feel confident while purchasing our products, so we’ve striven to build them with the highest industry standards in mind. In fact, our handpicked team of technicians and engineers are always looking to push the industry boundaries in new and innovative ways. This way, we can guarantee you receive a high quality product at the best value possible.

    We are proud to manufacture our products in North America and export them to over 40 countries. With such a grand scope, we believe it is vital to create the best customer experience available. That’s why we work hard with our unparalleled dealer network to make sure you receive proper product information and the post-sale service that you need.

    When you buy a The Company product, not only are you getting a high quality product, but you are also getting highly rated customer care. We believe the customer is an indispensable cornerstone in our company, and this belief is why we strive to bring you the best value available. You deserve the best, so let us help give you get the best."


    Thank you so much for your attention,
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 16-Jun-2015 at 20:22. Reason: Sorted font size and layout

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    #2

    Smile Re: I have a question regarding a paragraph

    Hello? Can someone take a quick look and tell me if there's anything wrong with the texts above?

  1. Barb_D's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: I have a question regarding a paragraph

    Mostly fine.
    Don't hyphenate after "highly" and one "high quality" is missing the hyphen.

    My old editor used to change "over" to "more than" when talking about time — I don't know why, but I've adopted that habit too.

    Consider restructuring the "not only" passage to "you are getting not only" so you don't repeat the "you are getting" part.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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    #4

    Re: I have a question regarding a paragraph

    hey Barn, thanks so much for taking your time out to help me. It's really appreciated!

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    #5

    Re: I have a question regarding a paragraph

    You deserve the best, so let us help give you get the best.
    I am not a teacher.

  2. Barb_D's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: I have a question regarding a paragraph

    Agreed. I missed that get thing
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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    #7

    Re: I have a question regarding a paragraph

    Thanks again guys. I honestly missed that too...hahaha such a silly mistake. I filtered through it with my eyes for some reason

  3. Barb_D's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: I have a question regarding a paragraph

    Because it's almost impossible to proofread your own writing. You know what it's supposed to say. Your brain, being efficient and processing for meaning, not typos, sees what it was meant to see, whether it was there or not.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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