Student or Learner
Hi, My name is Cindy Rosdiana. I have translate one of Indonesian fable into English. can you help me to assess my translation? can you give your score to my translation? Thank you for your help.
this is my translation,
MOUSE DEER AND THE MOUSE
Once upon a time, in the forest there lived a mouse deer named Manggut and his young brother named Kanca. Although they were brothers but they have very different character. Kanca was very diligent and kind. Manggut was very lazy and ignorant.
one day, Manggut felt very hungry but he didn’t want to go to find some foods. Finally he stole Kanca’s food. When Kanca looked for his food and asked Manggut where were his food, Manggut said that the food was stolen by the mouse.
“that’s impossible! I couldn’t believe that the mouse took it.” Said Kanca.
“its true! You don’t believe me as your brother, do you?” argued Manggut calmly. At first Kanca didn’t believed Manggut, but as Manggut say it for many times Finally Kanca believed in Maggut. Then Kanca asked the mouse to come to his house.
“O mouse, did you stole my food?” asked Kanca.
The mouse were surprised and answered “What? Steal your food? I even never thought about it.”
“O mouse, just say the truth! You must be lying!” said Manggut emotionally.
Kanca looked at the mouse and said “well, okay then. As a replacement, I want you to take some foods across the river for me. I got my food from there also.” The conversation ended.
The mouse walked to the riverside then he across the river by small boat. The mouse actually knew that the food was stolen by Manggut. Meanwhile in the other side of the river, Manggut cross the river in a rush to put a trap for the mouse.
When the mouse nearly across the river, he saw a trap which assembled by Manggut. Suddenly he got an idea, the mouse pretending that he is sink in the river.
“Manggut.. please help me!” the mouse screamed. As heard the mouse screamed, Manggut immediately help him. The mouse asked Manggut to accompanied him across the river to take some food. Manggut agreed t accompanied him. As they arrived to the other side of the river, Manggut trapped by the trap which he put his own because he didn’t careful. At the end of the story, Manggut regretting his bad attitude and promised won’t to do it again.
hmm This is very nice story, I enjoy reading this story. i ever red the story bout mouse deer an a tiger I thought that it is another version of mouse deer story. I can understand the story easily but you need to be more careful in grammar, maybe you can add some variations in plot t make it more interesting