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    #1

    Should both parents go out to work?

    Please correct and rate my essay. Thanks a lot!!!

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    TASK QUESTION: In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence.
    Discuss both these views and give your own oppinion.


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    In modern world, women are no longer supposed to stay at home and take after their children like they used to do in the past. It is normal for both parents to have their own job nowadays. As a result, there is a warm controversy among people about whether both parents go out for work or they should give top priority to bring up their kids.


    In my opinion, I think children from family where both parents work may have some certain advantages. First, children are taught about self-awareness and responsibility in their young age, which is really helpful in the future when they start their life without their mom and dad. For example, a child whose parents give too much concern for might be homesick or even shock when they first going far from home like studying in another cities or overseas; meanwhile, an independent kid will have no difficulty in managing their life when they have to live on their own. Second, children can also benefit from extra income if both parents has an occupation.


    However, “Every coin has its two sides”. Parents’ regular absence from home can also cause consequences. Sometimes children have problems with their homework and they need their parents’ help, also children may be with bad friends and commit a crime. Moreover, there are various jobs which require going out a lot for appointments and events that parents cannot pay fully attention to their kids in many aspects such as education, health care or entertainment.


    To sum up, I believe that both parents should go out to work. They must know how to keep a balance between work and family so that they will not only be a great worker with valuable contribution to the society but also be a good father and mother for their kids. (303 WORDS)

  1. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Should both parents go out to work?

    This appears to be a school assignment. Is it?

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    #3

    Re: Should both parents go out to work?

    No, it isn't :D
    This is for my IELTS Training.

  2. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Should both parents go out to work?

    Isn't that still an assignment?

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    #5

    Re: Should both parents go out to work?

    Oh, I'm a self-learner, I just randomly pick a task and then write. There're no teachers or tutors who will correct my essay that I need your help, so I posted here :D I'm glad if you can correct it and give me some advices, thanks.

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    #6

    Re: Should both parents go out to work?

    I have been wondering too, as there have been many essays purportedly posted by IELTS candidates. I understand it is a private exam for those applying to study or seek residence in English speaking countries like the UK and Australia.
    I am not a teacher.

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    #7

    Re: Should both parents go out to work?

    In this modern world, women are no longer supposed to stay at home and take after care of their children like they used to do in the past. It is normal for both parents to have their own jobs nowadays. As a result, there is a warm controversy among people current debate about whether both parents should go out for work or they should give top priority to bringing up their kids.


    In my opinion, I think children from family families where both parents work may have some certain advantages. Firstly, children of working parents are taught about self-awareness and responsibility in their at a young age, which is really would be helpful for them in the future when they start their life without their mom and dad have to leave home and become independent. For example, a child whose parents give too much concern for care too much for might would tend to be homesick or even shocked when they first going far from home like studying go to study in another cities or overseas. meanwhileOn the other hand, an independent kid a child who has been trained to be independent will have no difficulty in managing their life when they leave home to live on their own. Secondly, children can also benefit from extra a better income for the family if both parents has an occupation work.

    However, as the saying goes,every coin has its two sides”. The working parents’ regular prolonged absence from home can also cause give rise to undesirable consequences. Sometimes children have problems with their homework and they need their parents’ help. Also, there is the risk of children may be with bad friends being exposed to bad influence and commit a crime end up committing crimes. Moreover, there are various due to the demands of jobs which require parents to be out a lot for appointments and events that parents they cannot pay fully attention to have little time to spend with their kids in many aspects such as education, healthcare or entertainment leisure.


    To sum up, I believe that both parents should go out to work. They must know how to keep a balance between the time spent on work and their families so that they will not only be a great worker good citizens who make with valuable contributions to the society but also be a good father and mother for parents to their kids children.
    Last edited by tedmc; 18-Jun-2015 at 09:25.
    I am not a teacher.

  3. teechar's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: Should both parents go out to work?

    - Your introduction and conclusion are off-topic.
    - You give present more arguments in your second body paragraph than in the first; yet your position is for parents working!

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    #9

    Re: Should both parents go out to work?

    Can you please rate my essay? Which band scores do you think I can get?

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