I'm not a native user, but I have experience with proofing essay and article before, my comment will focus on writing.
1. the second paragraph should be relevant with the first paragraph as the first should discuss the main idea of the essay. It seem that the second paragraph discusses about your own experience not discusses 'the negative and positive motives of joining an universities'.
2. a sentence and their next should be relevant to each other, your sentence in a paragraph should connect to each other whether by supporting, arguing, sequencing, etc. I mean it should have continuity, for example:
"In addition to, the industry is using the developed software as the output of the project. To the best of my knowledge, almost all of modern careers all around the world want the employees to be familiar with advanced techniques and skills. As a result, students have this opportunity to develop their skills through theoretical and practical courses offered by the university" you will see that each of these sentences are not relevant to the others. (and also as my first comment, it does not fix with the main idea)
Student or Learner