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    #1

    Post My first Essay, please check this out

    Hey everyone! its my first essay that i wrote by myself. Please show my mistakes, and tell me if you have any suggestions about words to replace with.

    Many people beleive that women make better parents than men and that this is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Other claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view. Give reasons for your answer:

    In my opinion, it depands on what kind of family mother and father have risen by and the gender of child. Because usually, sons are more interested in their father and daugters are more interested in their mother. As a reason; male child in certain age wants to be like his father and keep his eyes on his father. Pretends his actions, have his thoughts because their minds are usually built by parents. In this case the role of father in raising children is major. If father had bad childhood and still in the effect of it, it goes on a loop like bad raised father to bad raised children unless there is no conscious mother which stops that circle. As far as i am concerned, greater role does not mean better parenting for sure.


    As a popular belief that mother is better parenting is possible. If we glance through first claim, and consider; most of mothers are more clued upon raising children. I beleive carrying baby in stomach 9 months causes different relation with child than father has. It is such a relation like her soul attached to child’s soul that provided by difficulty of keeping child in stomach 9 months long despite every unbearable terms. And it also causes mother has more emotional relation unless father. It is important to emphasize, sometimes logic and brain step aside because of emotions. For example; lets imagine drug user child. He wants to obtain his drugs and it requires money which he cant afford. The mother which beaten by emotional relation in this case, would afford it despairingly because she couldnt deal with his unhappiness. According to this example; we can say emotional relation which mother has is not only piece to be good parent.

    After all, in my point of view; i disagree with comparing is mother or father better parenting. On healhty marriages, we see good parenting is as consisted by father and mother, not only from mother or only from father. If child is raising up on bad way, we shouldnt blame one side but blame them as a couple.

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    #2

    Re: My first Essay, please check this out

    Hi Pucker up, welcome to the forum.
    Did you say this is first essay you have written by yourself? Haven't you written any essay before?
    Is the essay to be submitted to your teacher for marking?
    I am not a teacher.

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    #3

    Re: My first Essay, please check this out

    Hey tedmc, thank you.
    Yes it is the first essay i have written by myself. I know its strange but i didnt have any english education which gives you homework as write an essay so i hadnt been writing before. I want to build good vocabulary and it seems like writing provides you better memory, so i just wanted to write to see my gramatical fails and learn better words i should have used

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    #4

    Re: My first Essay, please check this out

    It's quite difficult to write first essay in a proper way. The more you practice - the better results of your work are. However, if you want to be sure your essay is qualitative, visit http://www.uk.essay-writing-place.com/
    Last edited by julie2512; 25-Jun-2015 at 16:16.

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    #5

    Re: My first Essay, please check this out

    Quote Originally Posted by julie2512 View Post
    It's quite difficult to write first essay in a proper way. The more you practice - the better results of your work are. However, if you want to be sure your essay is qualitative, visit http://www.uk.essay-writing-place.com/
    What do you mean by a "qualitative essay"? We need constructive advice here, not advertisement.
    I am not a teacher.

  1. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #6

    Parenting

    First, remember what the subject is. Perhaps you could talk about the roles of the different parents and how they differ. Explain how society views their different roles. Perhaps talk about how mothers and fathers are different in different countries. Don't talk right at the beginning about your opinions. Save that for later.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Parenting

    Note the title of my last post. It describes what the essay is about, which yours does not. You might also say:

    Who's the Better Parent--Mom or Dad?
    Last edited by Tarheel; 29-Jun-2015 at 20:59.

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