Please check and rated in below passage!

[Lê Thiên Hoàng]

[h=1]Diet and nutrition(ELTS)[/h]TASK: Recent research shows that the consumption of junk food is a major factor in poor diet and this is detrimental to health. Some people believe that better health education is the answer to this problem but others disagree. What is your opinion? .

The recent research of "Disease control in New York" center shows that is expected rate of obese people in the US increase extremely quickly, and affect to people in life.this is consequently by the implications of modern life. In particular, it has been demonstrated that we were eating too much junk food can lead to heath issues later in life. One suggestion for dealing with this is to improve the level of heath education, so that we eat better and live longer.
However, this suggestion can not resolve the whole problem.

The reason why focusing on health education is an appropriate measure is that changed the knowledge, awareness, habit eating badly... of owner and everyone for health. So everyone can understand about "Nutrient", "Diseases" clearly ways . For example, we know "what is foods for health?", "those foods rich in nutrition?", and "whatever is information of Obesity?".

Children are not supplied with enough knowledge about health at school and the methods of conveying health knowledge are not effective... Moreover, parent tend to underestimate the importance of health education for their children.

In fact, everyone are not attention to eat more healthy food... We are often eat those fast food, junk food, and drink an carbonated water... Why? that reason is we are busy for working, relationship... Other reason is because of the convenience of fast food that has stimulated the demand for food increases. But in those fast food get high a fat content follow recent researcher report. Therefore, this foods feeds in the body and leading to increased weight extremely. As result suffer from diabetes and fat, other deseases...

In conclusion, the suggestion that better health education should be emphasized is sensible but it is not a perfect solution. The problem might be better tackled with the involvement of families,schools and the government. Specially, The most important is actions themselves.

Everyone check in gammar, vocabulary... The passage is good or bad? English is the second languages of mind.Thanks

 

[tedmc]

Diet and nutrition(ELTS)

TASK: Recent research shows that the consumption of junk food is a major factor in poor diet and this is detrimental to health. Some people believe that better health education is the answer to this problem but others disagree. What is your opinion? .

The recent research of "Disease control in New York" center shows that is expected rate of obese people in the US increase extremely quickly, and affect to people in life.cthis is consequently by the implications of modern life.
A recent research of the Centre for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in New York shows that cases of obesity are rapidly increasing as a result of changes of people's lifestyles nowadays.

In particular, it has been demonstrated that [STRIKE]we were [/STRIKE] people are eating too much junk food which can lead to heath issues later in life.

One suggestion for dealing with this problem is to[STRIKE] improve [/STRIKE] raise the level of heath education, so that [STRIKE]we eat better[/STRIKE] people learn to eat healthier and live longer.

However, this suggestion cannot resolve the [STRIKE]whole [/STRIKE]problem completely .

The reason why focusing on health education is an appropriate measure is that [STRIKE]changed the knowledge, awareness, habit eating badly... of owner and everyone for health. [/STRIKE] knowledge and awareness are crucial for people to adopt a healthy diet and lifestyle to lead a healthy life.

So everyone can understand about "Nutrient", "Diseases" clearly ways . For example, we know "what is foods for health?", "those foods rich in nutrition?", and "whatever is information of Obesity?".
Generally, people have some idea what nutrition and diseases are but they need to be informed on how to eat a healthy diet, what foods are nutritious and how to overcome obesity.

Children are not supplied with enough knowledge about health at school and the methods of conveying health knowledge are not effective... Moreover, parent tend to underestimate the importance of health education for their children.
Children are not imparted with sufficient knowledge on the subject of health at school and health education is not effective. There is a general lack of awareness among parents of the importance of health education for their children.


In fact, everyone are not attention to eat more healthy food...
People generally do not pay much attention to eating healthy food.