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    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jul 2015
    • Posts: 1
    #1

    a brief introductory passage for my friends art web page

    She is an Artist, and wants a brief passage for her art page. She sent me this, which I liked a lot! I got her permission to post her passage here, because I told her I would let others look at it, maybe they could help make it flow better, and correct any grammar, without changing the overall message or idea of it.

    I attempted to make corrections, but I still don't think it flows well, and there might be grammar mistakes that I overlooked.

    HER ORIGINAL PASSAGE:

    One day, a friend asked if I can envisage a world without colours... any colour. A difficult task, bordering foolishness. But I like to do foolish things. So I picked up all colours and splashed them on a canvas and made humble effort to make the world colourful.


    MY ATTEMPT:

    One day, a friend asked if I could envisage a world without color... any color. A difficult task, bordering on foolishness. But I like to do foolish things. So I picked up all colors, splashed them on a canvas, and made a humble effort to make the world colorful.



    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Apr 2014
    • Posts: 3,310
    #2

    Re: a brief introductory passage for my friends art web page

    I do not see how your "humble effort to make the world colourful" by splashing colours on a canvas is related to "envisaging a world without colours".
    I am not a teacher.

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