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    #1

    Could anyone rate my assay writing and provide your comments?

    Assay topic: Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situation do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

    (Am not with good writing experience...also wish to get a correction or revision on some improper sentence structure to help me articulate my thoughts better in my future writing. Many thanks in advance!)

    Independence is an important trait for grown-ups. Since one day most of people will need to live on our own, it would not be too late to start the development of independence from the parents from young age. In my opinions, young adults of age 18 will be the appropriate timing to think to moving outside and to live without parents nearby.

    Moving outside is one of the most proper approaches to train and shape the independence. One can begin his or her own new life by learning from the real-world experience without too much protection from parents. In addition, young adults can also start to manage his or her own life while constant support will be provided. Living without parents will also give a great opportunity to get to know more friends and to build a new own life circle. Young adults can learn how to build new relationship other than their family members.

    A good example is about myself after moving out to overseas. In my experience, I started to learn how to do my laundry by operating the watching and dry machines, to cook with ovens and boil water, to manage my own belongings, and to have my great deal of friends all over the world.

    With my valuable and abundant learning and knowing gained after living outside away from parents. I'd be in supportive of young adults to develop their independence after getting into college or starting from age 18. It will give an one a great opportunity to exprience more with limited support and assistance from parents to help him- or herself to be a mature adult in the future.

  1. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Could anyone rate my assay writing and provide your comments?

    You haven't written an "assay". You've written an "essay".

    When are you going to submit your essay to your teacher for marking/grading?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

    • Member Info
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    #3

    Re: Could anyone rate my assay writing and provide your comments?

    got it! I wrote an essay and did not do an assay to figure out what chemicals a sample contains.

    I wrote it for my own practice and improvement on my essay writing. No timeline for this. Any comment is appreciative!

  2. teechar's Avatar
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      • Iraq
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      • Iraq

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    #4

    Re: Could anyone rate my assay writing and provide your comments?

    Independence is an important in the lives of young adults. trait for grown-ups. Since one day most of people will need to live on our their own, it would not be too late to start the development of to gain independence from the parents from a young age. In my opinion, young adults of age 18 will be the appropriate timing to think to should start thinking of moving out side and to living away from their parents. without parents nearby.

    Moving out side is one of the most common ways to develop one's proper approaches to train and shape the independence. One can begin his or her own new life by learning from the real-world experiences without too much protection from their parents. In addition, young adults can also start to manage his or her their own lives and take responsibility for their own decisions. while constant support will be provided. Additionally, not living with out one's parents, will also give a great opportunity to get to know more friends and to build a wider social circle. new own life circle. Young adults can learn how to build new relationships other than through their family connections. members.

    A good example is about myself after moving out to I'd moved overseas. In my experience, I started to learn how to do my laundry by operating the watching and dry machines, to cook with ovens and boil water, to manage my own belongings, and to have my great deal of make friends from all over the world.

    With my valuable and abundant learning and knowing gained after living outside away from parents. Based on my personal experience, I would be in support of young adults to develop gaining their independence after getting into college or starting from age 18. It will give an one a great opportunity to experience more with limited support and assistance from parents to help him- or herself to be a mature adult in the future.

    Please note:
    1- Your text is a hybrid of an essay and a personal account.
    2- The penultimate paragraph has no topic sentence!
    I would strongly advise you to read up on how to structure an essay.


    • Member Info
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    #5

    Re: Could anyone rate my assay writing and provide your comments?

    hi!

    About 'the penultimate paragraph' you mean, is it about this paragraph, 'A good example is about myself after moving out to overseas. In my experience, I started to learn how to do my laundry by operating the watching and dry machines, to cook with ovens and boil water, to manage my own belongings, and to have my great deal of friends all over the world.', the one before my ending paragraph? Thanks!

  3. teechar's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Could anyone rate my assay writing and provide your comments?

    Yes, I do.

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