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    #1

    Could anyone review my essay writing and provide your comments?

    Essay topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people enjoy life more than older people do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    (Many thanks in advance!!)

    Enjoying life is the wish and doing most people like regardless of different ages of people. It brings the fun and relax to recharge and to enrich our lives. However, it is seemingly a tendency that young generations enjoy life more than older people do in daily life. The following is the points I think about this topic.

    In the modern life, technology is advancing rapidly so that our living style has been changing accordingly. It may bring the different ways of how people enjoy the lives. The good example is the rising online social community such as Facebook. Right upthere, young generation not only can connect people all over the world easily to open their eyes and to enjoy learning new things from each other easily. Several online Apps also provide young people with fun to play individually or with their friends.

    Thinking about before 1990s, when internet was still not wildly used in each family. For the generation at that moment, lives would be restricted to the near community and neighborhood where they live. It's hard to get the connection with broad and different people even in the same country or living in the same region. People during that era could do less fun in life than young people can do now because of lack of variety in connecting or knowing different people or things.

    In conclusive, with the help of advanced and innovative technology, young people can quickly adopt and use them. It makes young people do gain more enjoyment from life than what elderly people do.

  1. teechar's Avatar
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      • Iraq
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      • Iraq

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    #2

    Re: Could anyone review my essay writing and provide your comments?

    Enjoying life is important for everybody the wish and doing most people like regardless of age. different ages of people. It brings the fun and helps us to relax, to recharge and to enrich our lives. However, it is often held seemingly a tendency that the young generations enjoy life more than older people do. in daily life. The following is the points I think about this topic. I agree with that position.

    In the modern life, advancements in technology is advancing rapidly so that our living style has been changing accordingly. It may bring the present various opportunities different ways of how for people to enjoy their lives. The A good example is the rising rise in online social communities such as Facebook, . Right upthere, where young generations not only can connect with people all over the world and easily communicate with each other, but can also to open their eyes and to enjoy learning new things from each other. easily. Several online Apps also In fact, even mobile phone apps provide young people with fun plenty of opportunities to have fun and play individually or connect with their friends.

    Thinking about before 1990s, when internet was still not wildly used in each family. For the generation at that moment, lives would be restricted to the near community and neighborhood where they live. It's hard to get the connection with broad and different people even in the same country or living in the same region. People during that era could do less fun in life than young people can do now because of lack of variety in connecting or knowing different people or things.

    In conclusion conclusive, with the help of advanced and innovative technology, young people can quickly adopt and use them. It makes young people do gain more get much enjoyment from life than older people. what elderly people do.

    Note: I didn't bother correcting your second body paragraph because it discusses the same point as your first body paragraph! In an essay, each body paragraph should discuss a different point.

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