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    #1

    Snow White with the Red Hair..

    Can someone please check my grammar: Shirayuki, a girl with red hair runs away from her country after being proposed and chased by the prince of her country, only to meet Zen, the prince of a neighboring country.

  1. Matthew Wai's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Snow White with the Red Hair..

    'Shirayuki, a girl with red hair, runs away from her country after being chased and proposed to by the prince of her country...'

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    #3

    Re: Snow White with the Red Hair..

    As far as I know, in the meaning of 'make an offer of marriage to someone', the verb propose does take the preposition 'to' but it is usually intransitive, apart from the case where it is marriage that is being proposed to somebody.
    So, to simplify things a bit, I would write "...after a proposal of marriage from the prince of her country..."

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  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Snow White with the Red Hair..

    Saying "after being proposed to" is perfectly natural (BrE).
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #5

    Re: Snow White with the Red Hair..

    Quote Originally Posted by Weaver67 View Post
    I would write "...after a proposal of marriage from the prince of her country..."
    I think you have omitted the meaning of being chased, but I am not a teacher.

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    #6

    Re: Snow White with the Red Hair..

    Well, yes. I have indeed. What about "...after so many turned down proposals of marriage from the prince of her country, who seems to be getting extremely displeased with her continuing refusals..."?

    It seems to convey the idea of pursuit or chase very well, doesn't it?

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  4. Matthew Wai's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Snow White with the Red Hair..

    Your suggested phrase is so long, so I suggest that the whole sentence be separated into two, but I am not a teacher.

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    #8

    Re: Snow White with the Red Hair..

    Yes, it is long - that's true. Your suggestion is perfectly valid; no doubt, that way it would be far more easier to understand.

    However, with the punctuation being slightly changed, the length of the whole thing doesn't appear [to me] to hinder the comprehension of it any significantly:

    Shirayuki, a girl with red hair, runs away from her country after so many turned down proposals of marriage from the prince of her country (who seems to be getting extremely displeased with her continuing refusals), only to meet Zen, the prince of a neighboring country.

    P.S. Still, I agree that the capability of ing-forms to reduce the overall amount of writing is hard to underestimate.

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    #9

    Re: Snow White with the Red Hair..

    ok, slightly I can understand the terms here. Still I'm not sure how I should proceed. Which is the correct one here?

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    #10

    Re: Snow White with the Red Hair..

    'Shirayuki, a girl with red hair, runs away from her country after being chased and proposed to repeatedly by the prince of her country (who seems to be getting extremely displeased with her continuing refusals), only to meet Zen, the prince of a neighboring country.'

    I think the text in red is optional, so it is up to the OP to decide.

    Quote Originally Posted by Weaver67 View Post
    ... after so many turned down proposals of marriage from...
    I would say '... after turning down so many marriage proposals from...', because Shirayuki, the subject of the sentence, is the one who did the 'turning down'.

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