[Essay] Travelling to Russia

[Slinky]

I’d like to see Russia for many reasons like the historical background and the shuttle program. This is a fairly simple question and I will always want to find the answer by my own. When I read the newspaper, Russia is almost always the evil guy in the story and I always wonder why. My only answer is this is perhaps a marriage from a bad press in the US and a dark historical background but I will have to look further.

Obliviously, I understand the economic is linked and the play an important role in Europe for their energy but I still want to learn more. On the other hand, the US is always here to protect us and want to save the world. I seem our world is growing faster and faster while we all try to find our on way to reach our goal. This is why I would like to travel to Russia. Second, I really like the architecture and their culture. The great churches of Kievan Rus will not disappointment if what I will see is as good as the picture.

Nonetheless, I need to see if the price of their Vodka is really under 10$ and I am wondering whether the citizens are bossy and look serious or this is a myth.

What do you think? Where in can improve my writing?

 

[Tarheel]

Let's start with the first sentence.

I’d like to see Russia for many reasons and my only reason is why not.

There are many reasons you would like to visit Russia. ("Why not" is not a reason.) There are many reasons you would like to visit Russia. You would like to find out if the things you have heard about Russia are true. (Go in the summer. Russian winters are brutal.) You would like to know what the people are like. The architecture is fascinating to you. You want to stay in Moscow for the winter. (What's the matter with you? ;-))

So state that there are many reasons that you want to visit Russia, then state the reasons.

 

[Tarheel]

If you delete the second sentence you will lose nothing. So do so.

When I read the newspaper, Russia is almost always the evil guy in the story and I always wonder why. My only answer is this is perhaps a marriage from a bad press in the US and a dark historical background but I will have to look further.

If you read some books on Russian history that should help you with that.

 

[...p]

Your myths will disappear when you travel Russia. But if you want get to know Russia, you need to visit not just Moscow. Russia is a big and various country. I am sure it will be very interesting travel.

 

[Slinky]

I understand Russia is more interesting but for this exercice i'm trying to write a simple text.

 

[...p]

I am too. My English is enough bad. And don't check your text.
I don't know I should to write in my own thread only

 

[tedmc]

Your[STRIKE] myths[/STRIKE] misconceptions will disappear [STRIKE]when you travel Russia[/STRIKE] after you have travelled to Russia. But if you want get to know Russia better, you will need to visit not just Moscow, but also the other parts of the country. Russia is a big and [STRIKE]various[/STRIKE] diverse country. I am sure it will be very interesting travelling.

 

[Tarheel]

Okay, I'm back. Let's see if we can finish this one.

Obliviously, I understand the economic is linked and the play an important role in Europe for their energy but I still want to learn more.

That sentence requires the reader to guess at what you left out. In any case, I suggest that you stick to describing places you know about and talk about why you want to see them up close. (The Hermitage in Petrograd is supposed to be one of the world's best art museums.)

 

[emsr2d2]

I am too. My English is enough bad. And don't check your text.
I don't know I should to write in my own thread only

Yes, please start your own thread for your own text and associated questions.

 

[Tarheel]

Apparently, your first reason is not really a reason, but it does have to do with the timing. You want to travel to Russia before the world blows up.

This is why I would like to travel to Russia. Second, I really like the architecture and their culture. The great churches of Kievan Rus will not disappoint me if what I will see is as good as the pictures.

Also, I need to see if the price of their Vodka is really under 10$ a bottle, and I am wondering whether the citizens are bossy and look serious all the time or if that is a myth.

What do you think? How can I improve my writing?

You don't need to go there to find out what the price of vodka is there, so that is not really to visit Russia. Also, in the rest of North America (outside of Quebec) we put the dollar sign ($) before the number.

Focus on what you want to say. Focus.

 

[Tarheel]

Your myths will disappear when you travel Russia. But if you want get to know Russia, you need to visit not just Moscow. Russia is a big and various country. I am sure it will be very interesting travel.

He didn't even mention Moscow. I did. (Tedmc already corrected your corrections, so I won't do that.) Anyhow, unless your advice is actually helpful you probably shouldn't offer advice to other ESL learners.

 

[Weaver67]

It is obvious, and I understand it very well, that the economies in Europe are interlinked and they (the Russians, I guess) play an important role for their energy, but I still want to learn more.On the other hand, the US is always here to protect us and want to save the world.

Not sure that I understand the logic of "on the other hand" here. It makes me wonder where "the one hand" is. What is being contrasted to what?

As it seems to me, our world is growing faster and faster while each of us is trying to find their way to reach our (common, do you mean, or not?) goal.

What do you mean by "the world is growing faster" - the pace at which everything is happening all around us, or the size of it?

I would suggest that you focus more on the main idea of the "why". You have apparently presented some points, but the whole thing is still a bit vague, I am afraid; what logic is behind "this is why I would like to..." is not quite clear.

Maybe, it would be better to start with "The only explanation I have, so far, been able to find to this, is that it is probably, so to say, a "child" from the marriage between a bad press in the US and a dark historical background". After that you could elaborate on this a bit further, giving your view on the situation in the world and Russia's role in it, and finish up with something like 'anyway, I would like to go there and see it all for myself' -- that would indeed constitute a reason.

Apparently, your first reason is not really a reason, but it does have to do with the timing. You want to travel to Russia before the world blows up. Hopefully, it won't. The common sense should prevail.
Focus on what you want to say. Focus.

 

[Tarheel]

I was just joking about the world blowing up. I think we have a few years before that happens.
;-)

 

[Weaver67]

I think we have a few years before that happens.
;-)

Yeah, that sounds very reassuring indeed.
;-)

 

[Weaver67]

If you read some books on Russian history that should help you with that.

There are a good many books out there on this topic. The problem with those books, however, is that many of them represent different (sometimes radically so) versions of truth.

 

[Slinky]

I’d like to see Russia for many reasons and my reasons are the culture and the shuttle program. This is a fairly simple question and I will always want to find the answer by my own. When I read the newspaper, Russia is almost always the evil guy in the story and I always wonder why. The only explanation I have, so far, been able to find to this, is that it is probably, so to say, a "child" from the marriage between a bad press in the US and a dark historical background but I will have to look further. Nonetheless, I would like to go there and see it all for myself.

It is obvious, and I understand it very well, that the economies in Europe are interlinked and they play an important role in Europe for their energy. On the other hand, the US is always here to protect us and want to save the world. As it seems to me, our world is growing faster and faster while each of us is trying to find their way to reach our career goal. This is why I would like to travel to Russia. Second, I really like the architecture and their culture. The great churches of Kievan Rus will not disappoint me if what I will see is as good as the pictures.

Also, I need to see if the price of their Vodka is really under 10$ a bottle and I am wondering whether the citizens are bossy and look serious all the time or if that is a myth. Other than that, I love to travel as well.