Welcome to the forum.
I disagree with one part of your post - in your title, you said "It's a bit short ...". For this forum, it certainly isn't short. We are all volunteers here and we have limited time to spend on each individual post. Your piece is actually quite long and you might find that you're waiting a long time for anyone to consider looking at it.
When are you going to submit this essay to your teacher for marking/grading?
Student or Learner