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      • Native Language:
      • English
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      • Ireland
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      • Ireland

    • Join Date: Jul 2015
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    #1

    CAN A TEACHER PLEASE CORRECT THIS??? ITS A BIT SHORT BUT..............

    In todays modern world, people view society as having an abundance of issues however petty or frivolous some may be, others can have influential power on people. Some of these problems in our rapidly advancing society include technology, money, stress and a lack of individuality.

    Technology, in my opinion, has a predominantly negative impact on people. Although its initial purpose was to present people with the capability of removing themselves from their mundane lives for just a short period of time. However as time went on, it has become nothing less of a whirlwind composed of procrastination, cyber bullying. Bullying was beginning to vanish and no longer become a problem before the popularity of social media and technology soared. Bullying instantaneously yet discretely moulded itself into the new internet linked realm created. Whether it is sending malicious tweets or the creation of fake Facebook accounts, the desired result can be achieved in a matter of minutes .This issue was re-introduced to the population and thus has left parents, schools, teens and many other communities with an almost Un-avoidable dilemma. I'd be lying to you if i told you i was never blinded by the enticing appearance of limitless opportunities. However these limitations are exposed by the harshness of reality........... Whether you begin to slip in your grades or you become lonely you begin to realise that people are over-reliant on technology and spend too much time on the internet when they could be doing so many more things that have proven to be more beneficial. People shut their doors and open their laptops.To me this is only a metaphor representing the blind dismissal of opportunities due to technology. i long for the day when a dad can entertain his kid without the use of an i-pad! As if we don't already have enough forms of procrastination and distractions, technology opens a black hole that only acts as an indestructible barrier to young people who are looking for entertainment and an overall positive outcome in the wrong place.

    Unfortunately, The financial aspect of life seems to be of greater importance to people, yet another issue. The constant thought of money and whether you have or will obtain enough is a struggle and a challenging one at that but many have since forgotten that money can only do so much and has its limitations when it comes to health or happiness. Frustration thrives in my mind just to see the minuscule distinction between money and happiness . Its sad to notice that such materialistic values are becoming so essential. Also we see that many people are relying on money to make big decisions in their lives. It doesn't matter if you enjoy your career as long as you make a lot of money right?.........It is this kind of perspective that can allow many people to be deceived by money, supposing it is the answer to life's problems yet it IS one of life's many problems.

    Penultimately, stress seems to be a growing problem especially in Ireland. Whether it's a physical or emotional strain due to real life or imagined problems, it has a profound effect on people. People moving too fast, ready to move onto the next best thing with such alacrity while they ignore their where they are now. Always trying to achieve something better when maybe you have achieved what is the best for YOU! Nevertheless this continuous aim ............is a full-time job of its own which couldn't be taken up without the added stress and exhaustion. This is simply one example of the core reason for stress in many people lives. Think about those nights when you just can't sleep and begin to judge your life........ . do you feel satisfied by the end of it?NO! This precise focus and analyzation will create problems that weren't even there in the first place , some unsolvable, and stress builds in your mind.With this stress it becomes more and more challenging to be optimistic and to posess a positive attitude.

    Finally, lack of individuality is proving to be a big problem to people. People becoming a duplication of each other all looking to attain the so called perfection of conventionality. Maybe the solution is a dictionary so people can understand the substantial difference between admiration and replication. With advertising brands carrying slogans along the lines of :if you don't like it, change it, you wonder why not? The most disturbing part is that you will be picking someone else's nose. Self-esteem seems to be overlooked, everybody assumes they have it, when in fact it is the fundamental cause for this lack of individuality. Whats to prevent everyone being the same in years to come? Is that our ambition?The world is so compelling purely because of the people in it and it is crucial that you acknowledge this diversity. If we cannot embrace ourselves how can we
    expect others to accept us?

    Overall the people of our world may suffer from a copious amount of problems but its how we deal with these issues which sets us apart.

  1. emsr2d2's Avatar
    • Member Info
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      • British English
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      • UK
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      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
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    #2

    Re: CAN A TEACHER PLEASE CORRECT THIS??? ITS A BIT SHORT BUT..............

    Welcome to the forum.

    I disagree with one part of your post - in your title, you said "It's a bit short ...". For this forum, it certainly isn't short. We are all volunteers here and we have limited time to spend on each individual post. Your piece is actually quite long and you might find that you're waiting a long time for anyone to consider looking at it.

    When are you going to submit this essay to your teacher for marking/grading?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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      • Native Language:
      • American English
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      • United States
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      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
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    #3

    Re: CAN A TEACHER PLEASE CORRECT THIS??? ITS A BIT SHORT BUT..............

    I agree with emsr2d2. I was promised by the title that the essay would be short. It is not. But at least you spaced between paragraphs. I agree that it looks like something you wrote for class. Just a couple of things. The title of the thread should indicate what the question is actually about. It should not be in all caps. And please don't use three QMs in a sentence. Also please note that bad habits can be hard to break. That is as much advice as I can give you until you respond to emsr2d2's question.

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