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    #1

    Angry Parallelism, Syntax, Help me correct this sentence

    Hi! I am here to ask about a sentence taken from a recent article in Forbes, “A Woman On Every Startup Board? Why Not, Says Ex-Google Exec.” by Ellen Huet. http://www.forbes.com/sites/ellenhue...singh-cassidy/


    Boardroom diversity is often discussed as an opportunity for public companies, Singh Cassidy said, “when the reality is the founders of most growth-stage companies need diversity on the board as much, if not more, as their public company counterparts.”

    First grammatical error: "as much, if not more, as" should be "as much, if not more, than"

    Secondly, I would like to correct this sentences by removing "when the reality is". Also, I'd like to change it so that the quote is not cut-up by "Singh Cassidy said".

    I want to make this sentences are clear and straight-forward as possible.

    Thank you!

    I apologize in advance for my poor use of commas.

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    #2

    Re: Parallelism, Syntax, Help me correct this sentence

    Welcome to the forum, DMD1.

    Are you sure you're a native English-speaking teacher? Your poor use of commas is not your only weakness.

    You have twice written 'this sentences' and 'I want to make this sentences are clear and straight-forward as possible' is ungrammatical.

    Your amendment of the 'first grammatical error' is incorrect and there are missing quotation marks in the original sentence.

    Perhaps you'd like to try again and review the accuracy of your profile.
    Last edited by Rover_KE; 22-Jul-2015 at 22:17.

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    #3

    Re: Parallelism, Syntax, Help me correct this sentence

    First grammatical error: "as much, if not more, as" should be "as much, if not more, than"
    As goes with as much earlier in the phrase and as much than wouldn't work. However, the placing of if not more is a bit confusing- it would work better for me after public company counterparts.

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