Does the "he" refer to the object or the subject?

[Mark Richards]

In the sentence - Bill could hear the nervousness in Jim's voice as he stepped forward to pick up the sword. - I wanted the "he" to refer to Jim, and it did in my brain when I wrote it. But on rereading, I heard it as Bill stepping forward.
Is there a way to force the meaning so that Jim is stepping forward?
I can completely pull it apart and write it as three sentences mixed with other elements to ensure my meaning, but this flowed so nicely with what comes before and after, I wanted to keep it as close to this as possible.
It's not exactly the classic "he saw a refrigerator running down the street" but it does seem to suffer in the same way.
Thoughts?

 

[Barb_D]

It's unavoidably ambiguous. But does the narrative of the story make it clear who is picking up the sword?

 

[tedmc]

Bill could hear the nervousness in Jim's voice as [STRIKE] he[/STRIKE] the latter stepped forward to pick up the sword. - I wanted the "he" to refer to Jim, and it did in my brain when I wrote it

 

[MikeNewYork]

You could write "Bill could hear the nervousness in his voice as Jim stepped forward to pick up the sword."

 

[MikeNewYork]

"The latter" does not work well for me.

 

[tedmc]

"The latter" does not work well for me.

Why not? It clears any ambiguity instantly.

 

[MikeNewYork]

It is not a natural sentence.

 

[MikeNewYork]

So, you think Bill heard the nervousness in his own voice?

 

[emsr2d2]

That's possible.

 

[MikeNewYork]

But not likely.

 

[emsr2d2]

Oh, I don't know. If I were speaking and someone near me picked up a sword, I'm pretty sure my voice would start to reveal a hint of nervousness if I continued speaking.

 

[bhaisahab]

I think we need to wait for the OP to answer Barb's question.

 

[Barb_D]

I suppose if the context made it clear who was speaking, we could rewrite as mike suggested. That had been my first thought until I read it back and didn't know whose voice it was.

There are things you can do, like "Bill could hear the nervousness in Jim's voice as the boy/the older man/his friend/his rival ..." depending on the circumstances.