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    #1

    A lazy man

    If there are any grammatical mistakes, please let me know. Thank you.

    Summary
    A lazy man who becomes a security guard at an unpopular shopping complex experiences a bizarre paranormal activity when he is possessed by evil spirits on the sixth floor of the building.

    Long Summary
    Surya is a lazy guy who never sticks to one job. He accepts a job offered by his former employer at a security agency to guard a soon-to-be shut down shopping complex. Surya is advised by the former Head of Security to avoid sixth floor, which is currently rented by a religious yoga group led by “Swanji”, who plan to summon and trap spirits in dead bodies so that they can control them. When the door to the spirit world is opened, dozens are possessed.

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    #2

    Re: A lazy man

    Surya is a lazy guy who never sticks to one job. He accepts a job offered by his former employer at a security agency to guard a soon-to-be shut down shopping complex. Surya is advised by the former Head of Security to avoid the sixth floor, which is currently rented by a religious yoga group led by “Swanji”, who plan to summon and trap spirits in dead bodies so that they can control them. When the door to the spiritual world is opened, dozens are possessed.
    I am not a teacher.

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    #3

    Re: A lazy man

    A lazy man who becomes a security guard at a soon-to-be demolished shopping complex experiences a bizarre phenomenal when he and other tenants are chased by evil spirits on the sixth floor of the building.

    Is this good to go?

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    #4

    Re: A lazy man

    Phenomenal is an adjective. It should be a noun, phenomenon.
    Soon-to-be-demolished.
    I am not a teacher.

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    #5

    Re: A lazy man

    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post
    Surya is a lazy guy who never sticks to one job. He accepts a job offered by his former employer at a security agency to guard a soon-to-be shut down shopping complex. Surya is advised by the former Head of Security to avoid the sixth floor, which is currently rented by a religious yoga group led by “Swanji”, who plan to summon and trap spirits in dead bodies so that they can control them. When the door to the spiritual world is opened, dozens are possessed.

    Does this sentence make sense if I replace “who” with “and”?

    Surya is a lazy guy who never sticks to one job.

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    #6

    Re: A lazy man

    Who is much better.
    I am not a teacher.

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    #7

    Re: A lazy man

    Quote Originally Posted by Gaya87 View Post
    Does this sentence make sense if I replace “who” with “and”?

    Surya is a lazy guy who never sticks to one job.
    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post
    Who is much better.

    Hope this would the best one.

    Surya is a lazy guy who never sticks to one job. He accepts a job offered by his former employer as a security guard at a soon-to-be shut down shopping complex. Surya is warned by the former Head of Security to avoid the sixth floor, currently rented by a religious yoga group led by “Swanji”, who summon and trap spirits in dead bodies so that they can control them. When the door to the spiritual world is opened, dozens are possessed, only the Black Magic Book can save them from the evil spirits.

  1. teechar's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: A lazy man

    Quote Originally Posted by Gaya87 View Post
    Hope this would the best one.

    Surya is a lazy guy who never sticks to one job. He accepts a job offered by his former employer as a security guard at a soon-to-be shut down shopping complex. Surya is warned by the former Head of Security to avoid the sixth floor, currently rented by a religious yoga group led by “Swanji”, who summon and trap spirits in dead bodies so that they can control them. When the door to the spiritual world is opened, dozens are possessed, and only the Black Magic Book can save them from the evil spirits.
    I took out "led by 'Swanji'" to make the sentence flow better.
    Last edited by teechar; 04-Aug-2015 at 13:09.

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