Student or Learner
One question: when I am giving an example in the essay, should I use past tense or should I use present tense?
The best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in government,
industry, or other fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition
People elect their leaders in government, industry, or other fields in order to better collaborate different factions and generate the best outcome. Some people believe that cooperation is the key to a leaderís success, and the value should thus be instilled to the younger generation. But others would value competition over cooperation. After weighing the evidence, it is certain that cooperation lies as the foundation of success. It is therefore essential for the society to pass a sense of cooperation in its young generation's mind, especially the future leaders.
Even though competition is important, a victory could not be achieved without cooperation. An individual is never entirely isolated from his society, and therefore needs other people's support and help. Large computer companies like Dell, HP, and Lenovo strive to compete for market shares, which help improve the production rate of the society and the creation of better products. However, this could not be done without a carefully constructed structure which guarantees efficient cooperation among its departments and employees. A future leader therefore must realize that it is impossible for anyone to realize a competition without first learning to cooperate.
Steve Jobs serves as an important example who knows the importance of cooperation in the business world. Jobs was described by his official biographer Walter Isaacson as a creative entrepreneur who has a ferocious drive. Competition plays a key role in his life, and he strives to make the best product possible. However, he is fully aware that cooperation is premise of his success. He would set a high standard on purpose and encourage his staff to seek help, inspiration from each other. When designing the new Apple office, Jobs comes up with the idea that the entire building should have only one washroom. He wants people to walk into each other more, converse, share ideas and better cooperate. As one of the most successful business leaders in the business world, the ideas of Steve are not to be forgotten by the younger generation.
The importance of cooperation not only applies to the industry circle, but also to the political arena. As one of the most eminent presidents, Franklin Roosevelt had shown the world that cooperation is necessary at both the domestic level, as well as the global level. During the depression in the 1930s, Roosevelt abandoned the traditional competitive model that separated the rich and the poor, and adopted a cooperative model that served the poor. By lifting the poor out of the economical mire, he had won enormous support. When the unforeseen world war spread throughout the world, Roosevelt successfully protected the free world by generously providing aids to allies. Without the full-scale support from the United States, Great Britain and the Soviet Union would have fallen in the Nazi hands. By cooperating with the Allies, however, the United States was able to avoid ensure world peace as well as a quicker end to the devastating war.
In conclusion, the future young leaders should realize that cooperation is more important than competition if they want to succeed in any fields. The examples from Steve Jobs and Franklin Roosevelt have well proved that nothing great could be achieved without help from the others. Achievements are triggered by competition, but are only to be completed through cooperation.
Please give me a rating out of 10. Thanks for your time and help!
I'd give it an 8 for content and ideas, 7 for grammatical polish.