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    #1

    Some people believe that having a pet such as a cat or a dog helps old people to live

    Please evaluate my IELTS essay and point out any errors .

    Some people believe that having a pet such as a cat or a dog helps old people to live a more enjoyable life and to stay healthier. How do you think old people benefit from having a pet? Do you think there are any problems related to old people who have pets?


    In many countries, people after retirements like to do various things such as gardening, reading book and maintaining their pets. Having pets is the most favorite activity among senior citizen in my country. They would like to take care of their pets in their spare time. Feeding, cleaning and walking are the few activities that they performed on daily basis. By doing this, they feel more energetic and healthier.

    Firstly, people used to have pets for various benefits. One of the main advantages is that pets like dogs provide great security in crime related areas. For this reason, they have been trained well to cope up with un-desirable situation. Furthermore, pets have been used in various games such as polo and racing.

    Secondly, maintaining pets is not an easy task. It required full time dedication and hard work. It have been seen, senior citizen who have pets seems to be healthier and active than others. One of the reason is that they keep indulge themselves in taking care of their pets.

    Thirdly, I do not think that having pets cause problems for old people. But it could help to reduce their problems such as stress and tension. According to recent study, old people who are reluctant to involve themselves in any activity are more opted towards diseases

    Finally, I believe that pets really helped to improve old people health and life style. They enjoyed their lives while maintaining their pets by fulfilling their basic needs and demands. Itís a must activity in many part of the world.

  1. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Some people believe that having a pet such as a cat or a dog helps old people to

    - Your first body paragraph deals with the benefits, but it's not well thought out, especially the last sentence, which shouldn't be there.
    - Your third body paragraph is pointless as far as I can see. Just present (and refute if you wish) the problems in the second paragraph.
    - Use better linking words than "firstly", "secondly" ... etc.
    -As general advice, I suggest that you show us the plan of your next essay before you actually write it.

  2. Barb_D's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Some people believe that having a pet such as a cat or a dog helps old people to

    You think the elderly play polo with their pets, or race them?

    You missed the main advantage: companionship.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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    #4

    Re: Some people believe that having a pet such as a cat or a dog helps old people to

    You are right. I include that because i was short of content.

  3. Barb_D's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Some people believe that having a pet such as a cat or a dog helps old people to

    People grading essays know when the writer is just throwing stuff on there.

    Clear and complete writing requires clear and complete thinking.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 31-Aug-2015 at 17:11. Reason: Fixed minor typo
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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    #6

    Re: Some people believe that having a pet such as a cat or a dog helps old people to

    Alright. Some time nothing comes to mind about contents. How can i overcome this problem??

  4. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Some people believe that having a pet such as a cat or a dog helps old people to

    Quote Originally Posted by fahad_a11 View Post
    Please evaluate my IELTS essay and point out any errors .

    Some people believe that having a pet such as a cat or a dog helps old people to live a more enjoyable life and to stay healthier. How do you think old people benefit from having a pet? Do you think there are any problems related to old people who have pets?


    In many countries, people after retirements retired people like to do various things such as gardening, reading books and maintaining looking after their pets. Having pets is the most favorite activity among senior citizens in my country. They would like to take care of their pets in their spare time. Feeding, cleaning and walking are the few activities that they performed perform on a daily basis. By doing this, they feel more energetic and healthier.

    Firstly, People used to have pets for various benefits reasons. One of the main advantages is that pets like dogs provide great security in areas with high crime. related areas. For this reason, they The dogs have been are trained well to cope up with un-desirable difficult situations. Furthermore, pets have been used in various games such as polo and racing. (As Barb said, this is unnatural. People don't usually call horses used in polo "pets".)

    Secondly, maintaining Looking after pets a pet is not an easy task. It required requires full-time dedication and hard work. It have been seen, It has been noticed that senior citizens who have pets seems to be healthier and more active than others. One of the reasons is that they keep indulge themselves in taking care of their pets.

    Thirdly, I do not think that having pets causes problems for old people but it could can help to reduce their problems such as stress and tension. According to a recent study, old people who are reluctant to involve themselves in any activity are more opted towards susceptible to diseases illness.

    Finally, In conclusion, I believe that pets really helped help to improve old people's lives and health. and life style. They enjoyed enjoy their lives while maintaining their pets by fulfilling their pets' basic needs and demands. It’s a "must-do" activity in many parts of the world.
    Look at my corrections to your post above. I have not changed the construction and I haven't added or removed any of your ideas. However, I have corrected the grammar, punctuation and word order. You need to work on your use of articles and plurals. You also need to stick to one tense. You are talking about a fact or habitual action so the present tense is appropriate in almost every sentence.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #8

    Re: Some people believe that having a pet such as a cat or a dog helps old people to

    It seems that I have to work very hard in order to improve. I will try my best.

    Thank you so much for your time and efforts. Your comments are really useful for me.

    I really appreciate your efforts.

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