Carrie, who is in love with...

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Gaya87

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Can anyone check my grammatical mistakes? Thank you.


Short synopsis
Carrie, who is in love with Demas and Paul, has to choose whether to carry on with the relationships or let time reveals which one will be finally hers.

Long synopsis
From childhood, Carrie falls in love with the story of Romeo and Juliet. Carrie believes there is a Romeo in her life. When she arrives in Italy, she meets Demas, a guy who just breaks up with his long distance relationship's girlfriend. The early encounter creates intimacy, but it is destroyed when a handsome writer, Paul appears stealing Carrie’s heart. The presence of Paul is indeed making Demas jealous. In the end who will be her Romeo? Demas or Paul?
 

tedmc

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Short synopsis
Carrie, who is in love with Demas and Paul, has to choose whether to carry on with the relationships or let time reveal[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE] which one will[STRIKE] be[/STRIKE] finally be hers.

Long synopsis
From childhood, Carrie[STRIKE] falls in[/STRIKE] loves[STRIKE]with[/STRIKE] the story of Romeo and Juliet. Carrie believes there is a Romeo in her life. When she arrives in Italy, she meets Demas, a guy who has just [STRIKE]breaks[/STRIKE] broken up with his [STRIKE]long distance relationship's [/STRIKE]girlfriend from a long distance relationship. The early encounter [STRIKE]creates[/STRIKE] leads to intimacy, but it is destroyed when a handsome writer, Paul appears, stealing Carrie’s heart. The presence of Paul is indeed making Demas jealous. In the end who will be her Romeo? Demas or Paul?
 

Gaya87

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Short synopsis
Carrie, who is in love with Demas and Paul, has to choose whether to carry on with the relationships or let time reveal[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE] which one will[STRIKE] be[/STRIKE] finally be hers.

Long synopsis
From childhood, Carrie[STRIKE] falls in[/STRIKE] loves[STRIKE]with[/STRIKE] the story of Romeo and Juliet. Carrie believes there is a Romeo in her life. When she arrives in Italy, she meets Demas, a guy who has just [STRIKE]breaks[/STRIKE] broken up with his [STRIKE]long distance relationship's [/STRIKE]girlfriend from a long distance relationship. The early encounter [STRIKE]creates[/STRIKE] leads to intimacy, but it is destroyed when a handsome writer, Paul appears, stealing Carrie’s heart. The presence of Paul is indeed making Demas jealous. In the end who will be her youRomeo? Demas or Paul?

Thank you, tedmc. One thing I'd like to clarify with you, "breaks up" have been changed to "broken up" ok, but why? because of the "has"?
In the end who will be her Romeo? In or At?
 

tedmc

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I used the present perfect tense when I saw the word "just" but I admit it is not consistent with the present tense used throughout your narration.
It is "in the end".
 
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