Would you please take a look at the sixth part of my short story and correct my mistakes.
It took me at least half an hour to find the hotel, which, when I found it, was a pleasant surprise. For 80
Germanmarks per day, I was allocated a large room with a double bed, TV, shower and toilet. It was on the third floor, with the window withan uninspiring view of a large office building inmade of glass and metal, but it was close to the city centre. I was ravenously hungry, and as soon as I closed the door, I devoured all the cheese and bread within seconds. Then I took a shower and let the warm water splash over my tired body. I felt relaxed. I was a mountaineer who had climbed the highest toppeak and now needed just to plant the flag to prove my conquest. My hair was still wet when I went to sleep and I did not wake up until late in the morning.
The hotel had a buffet breakfast, and I used the opportunity to fill my stomach with boiled eggs, porridge, cheese, fruit, milk and [orange?] juice. It was a sunny morning and I went outside for a walk. The city left me speechless. Compared to it, my little hometown was a dingy and shabby hole. The main pedestrian street was wide and almost endless. I
could not[did not know?] much about architecture, but here different styles competed with each other: antique columns, Roman porticos, Baroque arches and angels, and sterile modern architecturedesigns. I gaped at the shop windows bulging and sparkling with exclusive clothes, gold, watches, cameras and other gadgets. I read the price tags and could not believe what I saw. Thousands of Germanmarks for a little woman’s bag, a pair of shoes, a jacket, and hundreds of thousands for a gold watch. I laughed at my own ignorance and naivety. In my family, we were satisfied if all the bills were paid on time, and here lived thepeople who would only be satisfied onlyif they had thrown money away on things that they actually did not need.
promenadeshort journey of exploration ended in a park in front of a large baroque palace, where I sat on the bench and watched people strolling around. They seemed not to lack anythingto want for nothing. They were well-dressed, well-shod,well-fed and well-heeled in both senses of the term, and talked freely without being afraid of secret police or informers. A few children were scampering and playing in front of their beaming parents, and I said to myself, In a few years you’ll be watching your own children playing around and kissing and hugging your wife.
I felt such a calm I could
notnever remember I everhaving felt in my homeland. Just sitting on thea bench, watching people walking around, talking, children playing, and couples of loversholding hands or kissing filled me with such elation and joy. Nothing felt impossible. The West was offering its delicious fruit to me, and I only needed to stretchreach out my hand and pick it. The mist that covered the surrounding hills started to dissipate, and I saw it as another sign that my worries were finally coming to the end.
I could have stayed in the park for hours, but the late October chill was seeping in beneath my jacket, and I had to walk to keep myself warm. After an hour or two of my wanderings, I had developed a terrible hunger. I wanted to eat, but did not know where. I had never
beforeeaten alone in a restaurant and now dreaded the moment when I had to order my meal in a foreign language. I walked by numerous restaurants, but they seemed to be too expensive for my means, or too crowded. Finally, after searching through the nearby streets, I found a restaurant that seemed to satisfy my criteriarequirements. A stubby waiter in his fifties, with bags under his eyes and dark thinning hair combed back, bowed his head slightly, greeted me and led me to a table. To my relief, there were just two other guestsdiners, engrossed in their meals. I looked at the menu and within seconds, panic surged inside me. There were dozens of strange names, some in German, some in French, some in Italian, and they caused my head to spin and my stomach to turn(*see below). And then, like a drowning man who suddenly sees a ship coming to his rescue, I saw Wiener schnitzel, and relief and excitement swept over me. I had eaten Wiener schnitzel a few times when my father took me to restaurants, and now when I saw it on athe menu I knew I could not be wrong. It tasted almost the same as the ones I ate in my hometown. When laterLater when the waiter asked me, “Schmeckt’s?” ("How does it taste?) I replied, “Es schmeckt sehr gut.” ("It tastes very good.").
On Monday morning, I met a caseworker who looked like a goddess of beauty. She had shoulder-length blond hair and large blue eyes, which made my heart flutter when our eyes met. The room smelled of her delicate perfume, which I breathed in as if it were sacred incense. She was just one or two years older than I was, and I wondered if her boss has given her this important job by design -- to use her beauty to extract more information from this asylum seeker. There was just a table between us, and I had a desire to hold her hands for a moment and rub her elegant fingers.
I answered all
theher questions with honesty. She asked me about my childhood, school, family and the reasons why I had fled my homeland. Her demeanour was calm and placid, like a lake in the morning. She told me I had to travel to Karlsruhe where there was a refugee camp. She gave me a piece of paper that entitled me to a free train ride, andbut did not bother to shake hands with me before I left.
TO BE CONTINUED
* Do you really mean "stomach to turn", because that implies that you felt like being sick (i.e. vomiting).
Another good piece of writing Bassim. Many of my suggested amendments are not because your originals are wrong, it's just that I feel that these other words flow better.
In addition to the stomach turning question above, I couldn't understand what you meant by "I could not much about architecture.....". As usual, if you explain what you mean by that, then together we can develop a phrase that works.
Student or Learner