Results 1 to 2 of 2
  1. Just Joined
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • German
      • Home Country:
      • Switzerland
      • Current Location:
      • China

    • Join Date: Oct 2015
    • Posts: 1
    #1

    Letter of Motivation for UvA, any suggestions for improvement?

    Hi, I`m currently in the process of applying for the PPLE course at UvA and need help on my Letter of Motivation. It would be great if you could help me out. :)
    My name is Patricia Bührer and I am from Switzerland where I have also grown up for the first 13 years of my life. I have recently finished high school in the British International School of Shanghai, where I have graduated from the International Baccalaureate with a Diploma.


    My interest for international affairs and politics began at a young age during a vacation to Thailand, where I experienced poverty and low living standards for the first time of my life. Having grown up in a safe, neutral and stable environment all my life it came as a shock that not everyone has the same privilege in carrying out their lives as others might have. It was then when I started to recognize that I wanted to help ones in a less fortunate state of living. Moving to Shanghai a few years later only widened my knowledge of poverty, as I now lived in a country where poverty lives side by side to extreme wealth and luxury in stark contrast.
    At the age of 16, the opportunity to go on a volunteer trip in Thailand arose, where as a group we helped establish a small clay library at a school and had the experience of how the children’s houses looked. We then joined the service conference at the Regents International School Pattaya, where we took part in several global discussions and inspiring lectures. One memorable lecture was on the subject of Human Trafficking quickly it became evident that stopping such things from happening and supporting young women is an important goal to pursue, in my future career.
    A year later, the opportunity to embark on another volunteer trip to Sulawesi in Indonesia presented itself, where we looked at both the marine life whilst exploring the sea and its inhabitants when diving and the jungle environment whilst hiking and staying with local families. In Indonesia, I learned more on the economic aspects of poverty, which is what inspired my focus on the work level affected by deforestation for the extended essay.
    As part of the IB curriculum taking part in at least one service trip was a requirement, and so I decided to take part in the one organized by my school, already having taken part in two. We went to Cambodia and were able to engage with their culture and cuisine during a stay in a rural area where we built houses. We also visited a Starfish Foundation school in Phnom Penh, where the children embraced us with open arms as we painted their cold cemented walls with more lively images.
    One of the many things that intrigue me, and make me thrive to become engaged in international affairs and perhaps later as a global activist is the heartwarming experience of helping others, even with acts such as small donations, be it clothes or money, leaves me with a lasting feeling that stems from brightening the day of those less fortunate.


    A great passion of mine is to be outdoors, which has evolved over the years of hiking and mountain climbing since the age of eight. Feeling at home in natural environments motivated me to take part in all three International Awards (Duke of Edinburgh) at our school, where learning to work more independently, as well as in teams during navigation, facing challenges and how to overcome them, were all part of the course. During the preparation for this trip, I started to volunteer at a local hospital, for children who had heart conditions. Wanting to continue my passion of helping others, I now help at a local community center that recently opened up in Shanghai.
    Recently I was diagnosed with chronicle thyroid hypo function that has negatively affected my ability to focus, concentrate and study over the past year of IB. This was a contributing factor to my final IB score to be worse than predicted, achieving only 30 out of possible 42 points. However, I now have medication for this illness and will retake my German A Language and Literature (HL) exam as well as English A Language and Literature (SL) exam, in November.


    As part of my gap year I started to study Chinese in an intensive course at East China Normal University, as Chinese is becoming a more popular and integral modern language that is profitable in the future. Being able to add Chinese to my set of language skills will make me fluent or at intermediate levels in French, German and English. This wide set of language dexterity will make it easy for me to feel at home in an international environment like Amsterdam.
    The “PPLE” course at the University of Amsterdam, would give me the chance to broaden my knowledge and follow my interests, as well as allowing me to come closer to obtaining my dream job. This rigorous course entails everything I hoped to find in a university program and I look forward to the diverse opportunities it presents.




    i also dont know if the length of this letter of motivation is appropriate (825 words)
    thank you for the imput

  2. teechar's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
      • Iraq

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 6,180
    #2

    Re: Letter of Motivation for UvA, any suggestions for improvement?

    Quote Originally Posted by patricia08 View Post
    Dear Sir/Madam,

    I'm writing to apply for the PPLE bachelor's degree program.
    My name is Patricia Bührer and I am from I was born in Switzerland where I have also grown up for the spent the first 13 years of my life. I have recently finished high school in the British International School of Shanghai, where I have graduated from and obtained the International Baccalaureate (IB) with a Diploma.

    My interest for in international affairs and politics began at a young age during a vacation to Thailand, where I experienced saw poverty and low living standards for the first time of in my life. Having grown up in a safe, politically-neutral and stable environment, all my life it came as a shock that not everyone has the same privilege in life. carrying out their lives as others might have. It was then when I started to recognize that I wanted to help ones others in a less fortunate state. of living. Moving to Shanghai a few years later only widened my knowledge of poverty, as I now lived in a country where poverty lives existed side by side to with extreme wealth and luxury, in stark contrast.

    At the age of 16, I had the opportunity to go on a volunteer trip in Thailand, arose, where as a group we helped establish a small clay library at a school and had the experience of how the children's houses looked. We then joined the service also attended a conference at the Regents International School Pattaya, where we and took part in several global discussions and inspiring lectures. One memorable lecture was on the subject of human trafficking, after which I decided quickly it became evident that stopping such things from happening and supporting young women is an important goal to pursue in my future career.

    A year later, the opportunity to embark on another volunteer trip to Sulawesi in Indonesia presented itself. , where we looked at both the marine life whilst exploring the sea and its inhabitants when diving and the jungle environment whilst hiking and staying with local families. In Indonesia, There, I learned more on about the economic aspects of poverty in developing countries, including deforestation. which is what inspired my focus on the work level affected by deforestation for the extended essay.


    As part of the IB curriculum taking part in at least one service trip was a requirement, and so I decided to take part in the one organized by my school, already having taken part in two others. We went to Cambodia and were able to engage with their culture and cuisine during a stay in a rural area where we built houses. We also visited a Starfish Foundation school in Phnom Penh, where the children embraced us with open arms as we painted their cold cement walls with more lively images. Additionally, I started to volunteer at a local hospital, for children who have heart conditions, and I now also help at a local community center that recently opened up in Shanghai.


    One of the many things that intrigue me, and make me thrive my main motivations to become engaged in international affairs and perhaps later as to become a global activist is the heartwarming experience of helping others. Even with acts such as making small donations be it of clothes or money, leave me with a lasting feeling that stems from brightening the day of those less fortunate.

    A great passion of mine is to be the outdoors, which has evolved over the years of hiking and mountain climbing since the age of eight. Feeling at home in natural environments motivated me to take part in all three International Awards competitions (Duke of Edinburgh) at our school, where learning to work more independently, as well as in teams during navigation, facing challenges and how to overcome them, were all part of the course. During the preparation for this trip, I started to volunteer at a local hospital, for children who had heart conditions. Wanting to continue my passion of helping others, I now help at a local community center that recently opened up in Shanghai.

    Recently I was diagnosed with chronic thyroid hypo function that has negatively adversely affected my ability to focus, concentrate and study over the past year of IB. This was a contributing factor to my final IB score to be worse which turned out lower than predicted; I achieved only 30 out of possible 42 points. However, I now have take medication for this illness and will retake my German A Language and Literature (HL) exam as well as the English A Language and Literature (SL) exam, in November.

    As part of my gap year I started to study took an intensive course in Chinese in an intensive course at East China Normal University, as Chinese is becoming a more popular global language. and integral modern language that is profitable in the future. Being able to add Chinese to my set of language skills will make me fluent or at intermediate levels Furthermore, I'm fluent in French, German and English. This wide set of language dexterity will make it easy for me to feel at home in an international environment like Amsterdam.

    The “PPLE” course, at the University of Amsterdam, would give me the chance to broaden my knowledge and follow my interests, as well as allowing me to come closer to obtaining my dream job. This rigorous course entails everything I hoped to find in a university program, and I look forward to the diverse opportunities it presents.

    Yours faithfully,
    Patricia Bührer
    Your letter is a bit long, but it should be OK. Let us know if you prefer to have it shortened.

Similar Threads

  1. Motivation Letter Improvement[Urgent]
    By r_ahmadi_1983 in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 14-Jan-2012, 09:19
  2. [Cover Letter] Suggestions and advises for motivation letter?
    By cebrax in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 13-Feb-2011, 12:02
  3. Badly in want of improvement suggestions!
    By alphaprincess in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 14-Apr-2009, 10:07
  4. I need some comments or suggestions on my motivation letter.
    By Droyx in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 22-Oct-2008, 13:13

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •