[Essay] Please point out errors. Nowadays, people always throw the old things away when they

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fahad_a11

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Please point out errors.

Nowadays, people always throw the old things away when they buy new things, some people claim that the broken things should be repaired and used again. What factors cause this phenomenon? What effects the phenomenon leads to?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There is a significant change in buying trends of people in some developing countries over the last few years. People tend to invest more on modern and new products to avail maximum benefits associated with them. I agree to some extent that economic prosperity, high wages, attractive advertisements and improved quality of products ignite people to buy latest products. However, it has many detrimental effects on environment that leads to pollution, deforestation and massive quality of rubbish in societies.

There is no denying that people living standards have been improved with economic success. Increased in pay and reduced prices of commodities have dramatically rise the buying capacity of people. Additionally, advertisement plays a pivotal role in attracting people attention toward new and modern products. For example, commercial consistently ignite people desires to buy products that are trendy, modern and advanced. Furthermore, people have become workaholics and hardly get enough time for repairing products. It is also seen that some time repairing cost is much higher to the actual values of the product that also discourage people to repair old things.

Despise of the benefits, it also have dire consequences on environment, in order to fulfill demand of contemporary people, companies are exploiting natural resources. Deforestation, de-vegetation and lagging are prevalent in many societies. Moreover, people are producing more rubbish by discarding traditional items and adopting products of presents-days.

To sum up, I would like to say that products of today’s age are more advanced and efficient than conventional, thus these attract large numbers of people because of their undeniable benefits. Governments and individuals should make attempt to create awareness about reusing and recycling of items. Consequently it will help in cleaning parks and streets from massive litters of wasted disposable cups, plates and bags.
 

teechar

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Furthermore, people have become workaholics and hardly get enough time for repairing products. It is also seen that some time repairing cost is much higher to the actual values of the product that also discourage people to repair old things.

Only that bit relates to the essay question you were asked to address. The rest of your essay is off-topic! :shock:
 

fahad_a11

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I told in the essay why people do not use or repair old things.

Still it is not related to topic?
 

teechar

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I [STRIKE]told[/STRIKE] explained in the essay why people do not use or repair old things.
No, you didn't. In fact, the text I quoted above is the only place where the word "repair" occurs in your essay. The word "broken" does not occur at all.

Your essay is off-topic and would be considered a fail in my opinion. :-(

Try again.

Hint: Be direct and cut out the waffle.
 

fahad_a11

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Can you please suggest some point i should include in writing this essay?

Actually I am still not clear with question.
 

teechar

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First, may I ask you where you got the essay question from?
It's not well formulated, as it involves two topics "old things" and "broken things."
 

fahad_a11

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Normally I get it from internet, sometime my friends gave me.
 

teechar

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Let's rewrite the essay question as:

Nowadays, people all too easily throw away broken things instead of repairing and reusing them. What you think they should do? Write an essay to explain your position on this issue.

The next step is to plan out your body paragraphs. At least, think of topic sentences for two or three body paragraphs.
 

fahad_a11

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Topic Sentences:

1. Repairing broken things is costly and time taking job.

2. Broken things might loose performance and efficiency after repairing.

3. New things would be more efficient and secured as designed and developed according to new technologies and standards.


these are right or not ?
 

teechar

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Topic Sentences:
1. Repairing broken things is often costly and time consuming. [STRIKE]taking job.[/STRIKE]
Qualify your statements. For example, I've used "often" here.

2. Broken things might loose performance and efficiency after repairing.
This is not well written. It can be misinterpreted as "Broken things can lose performance and efficiency as a result of getting repaired."
Your idea is good. Let's phrase it properly. e.g. "Even after extensive repairs, there are no guarantees that broken items will have the same effectiveness or efficiency as new ones."

3. New things [STRIKE]would[/STRIKE] are more likely to be more efficient and [STRIKE]secured[/STRIKE] reliable than refurbished ones, as the former are usually designed and developed according to the [STRIKE]new[/STRIKE] latest technologies and standards.
Again, note the qualification.

Are these [STRIKE]are[/STRIKE] right or not ?
Apart from the above comments, these topic sentences are great! :)
Let's hope they're the seeds for a successful essay. :up:

Now, you should develop each of these sentences into a full paragraph. Remember to follow the general-to-specific structure. And please keep out the waffle! Write clear and direct sentences.
 

fahad_a11

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Please check, whether it is up to the mark or not?

People’s buying trends have been changed with the advancement of technology. They are more opted to buy new thing rather than used broken things after repairing. Some people find it complex, expensive and time consuming task and they are not sure about to get the same effectiveness after repairing. However, products of contemporary world seem to be me efficient and reliable than conventional one.

Repairing broken things is often costly and time consuming. Nowadays, people have become workaholic and they are left with less time after their busy schedule that they would like to spend with their immediate social circle in order to relax and reenergize themselves. Moreover, sometime repairing cost is much higher to the actual value of the good that also impede people to go for repairing.

Even after extensive repairs, there are no guarantees that broken item will have the same effectiveness or efficiency as new ones. For instance, recently, my cellphone touch screen was malfunctioning. I had made several attempts to repair and reuse it but all in vain, as every time the same problem reoccurred after every two weeks of fixing that discourage me to use that mobile phone and ignite my desire to buy new one.

New things are more likely to be more efficient and reliable than refurbished one, as the former are usually designed and developed according to latest technologies and standards. For example, modern mobile phones are equipped with stare-of-the-art features such as internet, GPS and others applications that give us comfort and ease along with other undeniable benefits. Additionally, products of today-age are more safer and give us freedom to avail maximum benefits by the use of them.

To sum up, I would like to say that people prefer to buy new things because broken things loose its credibility and would remain sceptical in term of performance after mending. However, new products are developed in accordance with up-to-date equipment and safety measures that make it long lasting and durable.
 

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Be direct, right from the start!
[STRIKE]People’s buying trends have been changed with the advancement of technology. They are more[/STRIKE] These days, many people opt [STRIKE]ed[/STRIKE] to buy new things, rather than use broken things after repairing them. Some people find [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] repairing things complex, expensive and time-consuming. [STRIKE]task and[/STRIKE] They often point out that [STRIKE]are[/STRIKE] they cannot even be sure the repaired items will be as effective. [STRIKE] not sure about to get the same effectiveness after repairing. However, products of contemporary world seem to be me efficient and reliable than conventional one.[/STRIKE] For those same reasons, I believe that it's better to buy new things than repair broken ones.

Repairing broken things is often costly and time consuming. I asked you to write clear sentences and to cut out the waffle! Nowadays, people lead busy lives. They spend long hours at work and have little free time left. Therefore, most would prefer to spend their free/leisure time with their family and friends. They do not want to spend that precious free time repairing broken objects when they can easily buy new ones often at a reasonable price. For example, ... Write some example(s) you can think of here. [STRIKE]have become workaholic and they are left with less time after their busy schedule that they would like to spend with their immediate social circle in order to relax and reenergize themselves. Moreover, sometime repairing cost is much higher to the actual value of the good that also impede people to go for repairing.[/STRIKE]

Use a linking word/expression here. Additionally, even after extensive repairs, there are no guarantees that broken items will have the same effectiveness or efficiency as new ones. It's always good to have a supporting (explanatory) sentence after the topic sentence of a paragraph. One reason is that most people do not have professional or technical repair expertise. For instance, recently my cellphone's touch screen was malfunctioning. I had made several attempts to repair and reuse it, but they were all in vain, as every time the same problem reoccurred [STRIKE]after[/STRIKE] within every two weeks. [STRIKE]of fixing[/STRIKE] That discouraged me to use that mobile phone, and [STRIKE]ignite[/STRIKE] only increased my desire to buy a new one.

Use a linking word/expression here. On the other hand, new things are more likely to be more efficient and reliable than refurbished ones, as the former are usually designed and developed according to the latest technologies and standards. It's always good to have a supporting (explanatory) sentence after the topic sentence of a paragraph. This is not surprising as technology improves with the passing of time. For example, most modern mobile phones are equipped with state-of-the-art features such as Internet connectivity, GPS and various others useful applications. This is a chance to write a concluding sentence. Thus, it is more attractive to buy a new phone with all its new features than repair an old one. [STRIKE]that give us comfort and ease along with other undeniable benefits.[/STRIKE] Your last sentence is outside the scope of the paragraph. [STRIKE]Additionally, products of today-age are more safer and give us freedom to avail maximum benefits by the use of them.
[/STRIKE]

To sum up, [STRIKE]I would like to say that[/STRIKE] people prefer to buy new things instead of repairing broken ones because that way people can save time and need not worry about the effectiveness of repairs and because new items have the latest technology. [STRIKE]broken things loose its credibility and would remain sceptical in term of performance after mending. However, new products are developed in accordance with up-to-date equipment and safety measures that make it long lasting and durable.[/STRIKE]

See my comments in red. :)
 

fahad_a11

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I did too many mistakes. Your comment are really helpful to mitigate my problems in writing, and you have extraordinary teaching style.

Yours comments are very informative. Let me try your instructions in my coming essays.
 

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teechar,
that way people can save time and need not worry about the effectiveness of repairs and because new items have the latest technology.

Can i use "effective" here?
 

teechar

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I [STRIKE]did[/STRIKE] made too many mistakes.
Don't let that put you off. The main thing is that you're learning how to structure an essay.

Your comment are really helpful to [STRIKE]mitigate[/STRIKE] improve my [STRIKE]problems in[/STRIKE] writing, and you have an extraordinary teaching style.
Thank you! I do my best.:)

Yours comments are very informative. Let me try your instructions in my coming essays.
Why don't you finish this one first? I suggested that you add some example sentences to it. Do that, and let's see how this essay turns out. ;-)
 

fahad_a11

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Thank you so much for your efforts.

Please check below, i have added an example.



These days, many people opt to buy new things, rather than use broken things after repairing them. Some people find repairing things complex, expensive and time-consuming. They often point out that they cannot even be sure the repaired items will be as effective. For those same reasons, I believe that it's better to buy new things than repair broken ones.

Repairing broken things is often costly and time consuming. Nowadays, people lead busy lives. They spend long hours at work and have little free time left. Therefore, most would prefer to spend their free/leisure time with their family and friends. They do not want to spend that precious free time repairing broken objects when they can easily buy new ones often at a reasonable price. For example, Washing machine is commonly found home appliance, often end up in failing of dryer. The repairing time and make up cost is extremely high because of cumbersome mechanism of hardware, provoke people to buy new instead of its recovery.

Additionally, even after extensive repairs, there are no guarantees that broken items will have the same effectiveness or efficiency as new ones. One reason is that most people do not have professional or technical repair expertise. For instance, recently my cellphone's touch screen was malfunctioning. I had made several attempts to repair and reuse it, but they were all in vain, as every time the same problem reoccurred within every two weeks. That discouraged me to use that mobile phone, and only increased my desire to buy a new one.

On the other hand, new things are more likely to be more efficient and reliable than refurbished ones, as the former are usually designed and developed according to the latest technologies and standards. This is not surprising as technology improves with the passing of time. For example, most modern mobile phones are equipped with state-of-the-art features such as Internet connectivity, GPS and various others useful applications. Thus, it is more attractive to buy a new phone with all its new features than repair an old one.

To sum up, people prefer to buy new things instead of repairing broken ones because that way people can save time and need not worry about the effectiveness of repairs and because new items have the latest technology.
 

teechar

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That's not a good example. That paragraph was all about how repairing things can be time consuming. Think of clothes or a bike, for example.
 

fahad_a11

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Alright, check new example below.

These days, many people opt to buy new things, rather than use broken things after repairing them. Some people find repairing things complex, expensive and time-consuming. They often point out that they cannot even be sure the repaired items will be as effective. For those same reasons, I believe that it's better to buy new things than repair broken ones.

Repairing broken things is often costly and time consuming. Nowadays, people lead busy lives. They spend long hours at work and have little free time left. Therefore, most would prefer to spend their free/leisure time with their family and friends. They do not want to spend that precious free time repairing broken objects when they can easily buy new ones often at a reasonable price. For example, Bike is a popular mean of transportation, if any part of it gets deformed or broke by an accident, required extensive effort and time for mending the objects to its actual shape, and provoke people to go for new part instead of its recovery.

Additionally, even after extensive repairs, there are no guarantees that broken items will have the same effectiveness or efficiency as new ones. One reason is that most people do not have professional or technical repair expertise. For instance, recently my cellphone's touch screen was malfunctioning. I had made several attempts to repair and reuse it, but they were all in vain, as every time the same problem reoccurred within every two weeks. That discouraged me to use that mobile phone, and only increased my desire to buy a new one.

On the other hand, new things are more likely to be more efficient and reliable than refurbished ones, as the former are usually designed and developed according to the latest technologies and standards. This is not surprising as technology improves with the passing of time. For example, most modern mobile phones are equipped with state-of-the-art features such as Internet connectivity, GPS and various others useful applications. Thus, it is more attractive to buy a new phone with all its new features than repair an old one.

To sum up, people prefer to buy new things instead of repairing broken ones because that way people can save time and need not worry about the effectiveness of repairs and because new items have the latest technology.
 

teechar

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Can you rewrite that example sentence in clear and simple language please?
 
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