[General] Need your help is urgent!! I need to know if my letter have a good grammar

[Marijomtz25]

My name is Maria , I am 20 years, I am a student of the career of Architecture at the University of San Luis Potosi. The reason for this letter is to explain my reasons why I want to enter the University of Seattle, to pursue a career in Business Administration.
The interest I have to enter this your prestigious university and pursue the career that I mentioned earlier is because I think it is an institution that has a good reputation, which offers excellent quality in education, and affordable, forming professionals capable to deal with the different situations that could submit the workplace.
As a youngster I have goals I have set. To meet my goals and my dreams come true I'm aware that I need to be prepared academically; Moreover education is fundamental to the development and growth of society, essential for improving the quality of life of people tool part.
Business Administration is an excellent complement to an architect, because an architect, originally designed and built several works and then his office will eventually have to manage your office; you better be myself the administering my business as it is here where my goals are addressed.
Finally I intend to take advantage of all the benefits that my university offers me to forge a better future.
Thanking you for your attention to this, I am at your service.

 

[teechar]

Hi Maria,

I started proofreading this letter, but soon I realized the following:
1- You did not sufficiently explain your motivation. The major reason you gave is that you're impressed with the University of Seattle's reputation.
2- I couldn't understand what you were trying to say in the third paragraph.
3- Your letter is short!

You need to talk about your achievements in life (no matter how small): academic achievements; things you did for your community, neighbourhood, even for your family. You also need to talk about your goals in life and how you think studying Business Administration in Seattle fits in with your goals.

Basically, you need to write something to convince them that you're a suitable candidate for the course.

If you don't have time to write a more substantial letter, let us know and we'll help you edit this one. ;-)