[General] I want to write an email

[suniljain]

I want to write an email as below. Is the same correct? Is there any other better way write it? P

Dear Ram,

As discussed, We (alongwith Kishorilal and Himanshu) will visit Plant on 23[SUP]rd[/SUP] November, 2015 for 2 to 3 days to understand the documentation for Budget/Policy Implementation.

Please confirm your availability.

Kishori lal and Himanshu→ Please plan your work accordingly.

Angel→ Please do the necessary arrangements for tickets and stay of KL and Himanshu.


Thanks & Regards
Anil

 

[Dena11]

Hi Suniljan, I'd suggest a couple of changes.

Dear Ram,

As discussed, we (as well as Kishorilal and Himanshu) will
visit the plant on Nov. 23, 2015 for 2 to 3 days. Our goal is
to gain an understanding of the Budget/Policy
Implementation documentation. Please confirm your availability.

Kishori lal and Himanshu, please plan your work accordingly.

Angel, please make the necessary arrangements for tickets
and lodging for KL and Himanshu.

Thanks & Regards
​

On the first line if the people who are going are you, Kishorilal, and Himanshu, and noone else, I'd suggest you replace this: we (as well as Kishorilal and Himanshu)

with this: Kishorilal, Himanshu, and I

I Hope this is helpful.

Best Regards,

Dena

p.s. I am not a teacher, but I am a professional writer and editor.