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  1. Faisal Marri's Avatar
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    #1

    Please check my essay

    Freedom from want

    By nature man is always desired of getting more and more. Moreover, it gives birth the habit of greed in man. So, to get freedom from desires will become the most successful thing in mans life. Afree man can enjoy the life. He will not be in search of pleasure and vice versa. Man needs peace and prosperity in the life. But, the peace and prosperity do not come from the worldly desires. Such things will be found in tensionless life. For instance, a person who doesn't has property and he is a poor man yet he is happy. Because, he doesn't has any ailments, tension and difficulties. Moreover, his wishes are less. And, a person who has a lot of desires in his heart and mind will never be happy but always he is behind the desires. He has forgotten pleasure and wondering in materialistic world. Such kind of activities make a man boredom, unhappy and always following any desire. A Wise man want to get liberty from such wats and desires of life, such feelings leads a person in the desert of sorrows. Because, no one can fulfil his all desires in the very world and life, which is too short.

  2. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Please check my essay

    Some comments:
    - This is not an essay;it's a single paragraph.
    - Your writing is completely off-topic. Freedom from want means freedom from poverty.
    - You'll need to improve your basic vocabulary and grammar skills before you start writing paragraphs and essays.

  3. Faisal Marri's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Please check my essay

    The paragraph is written by my friend, who is going to appear in exam on next week. He wanted to check essay especially from you and Your useful comments helped him a lot. thanks for your guidance. Can you please mention in which field of grammar he has to work hard.

  4. teechar's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Please check my essay

    Quote Originally Posted by Faisal Marri View Post
    The paragraph is written by my friend, who is going to appear in has an exam on next week. He wanted someone to check his essay, especially from you and your useful comments have helped him a lot. Thanks for your guidance. Can you please mention in which field of grammar he has to work hard?
    Your friend needs to work on many areas in grammar.

    e.g.
    Quote Originally Posted by Faisal Marri View Post
    By nature man is always desired of getting more and more.
    Unnecessary and incorrect use of the passive.

    Quote Originally Posted by Faisal Marri View Post
    it gives birth the habit of greed in man.
    Flawed basic sentence construction.

    Quote Originally Posted by Faisal Marri View Post
    So, to get freedom from desires will become the most successful thing in mans life.
    Incorrect choice of tense and missing possessive apostrophe.

    The list goes on! I strongly advise your friend to keep their writing as simple as possible in order to minimize the chances of making grammatical blunders.

  5. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Please check my essay

    Perhaps you should suggest to your friend that he join the forum and that he ask his own questions.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  6. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Please check my essay

    In addition to what teechar said, I think your friend should stick to using words he truly understands. Also, it is more important at this point that he achieve clarity. He can aim for creativity later.

  7. Faisal Marri's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Please check my essay

    He will join soon.

  8. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: Please check my essay

    OK, now let's have fun with this one.


    Quote Originally Posted by Faisal Marri View Post

    By nature man is always desired of getting more and more. Moreover, it gives birth the habit of greed in man.
    Say:
    By nature man tends to want more and more. However, that leads to greed.

  9. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #9

    Re: Please check my essay

    Quote Originally Posted by Faisal Marri View Post

    So, to get freedom from desires will become the most successful thing in mans life. Afree man can enjoy the life. He will not be in search of pleasure and vice versa.
    Possibly:

    To become free of desire is the highest achievement possible. A free man can enjoy his life. He will not be in search of pleasure, and pleasure will not be in search of him.

    Although that last sentence might seem strange, it is the only way to make sense out of and vice versa. (Is this a Buddhist tenet?)

  10. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: Please check my essay

    Quote Originally Posted by Faisal Marri View Post
    Man needs peace and prosperity in the life.
    Perhaps:


    Man wants and needs peace and prosperity.

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