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  1. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Nov 2015
    • Posts: 1

    Can I please get edits on my college essay?

    I would be so grateful for edits and feedback on how I can improve them. I would love to make them stronger. (keep in mind I am already 25 words over for the first one)

    USC students are known to be involved. Briefly describe a non-academic pursuit (such as service to community or family, a club or sport, or work, etc.,) that best illustrates who you are, and why it is important to you. (250 word limit)

    After working with multiple organizations to give back, I was itching to take on a project of my own. While pondering how I could apply my developed leadership skills and experience in fundraising, I saw a surplus of books in our house. Knowing my peers also had more books than they need, I wanted a way to utilize this excess to give back. After extensive research, I was ecstatic to discover The African Library Project, a nonprofit organization that partners with communities in the United States to start libraries for schools in Sub-Saharan Africa. In order to start a library for our assigned school, the Tachiman Adventist School in Ghana, we would have to collect one thousand age specific childrenísí books, appropriately sort and pack the books, and raise over $600 to ship the books to Ghana. I knew I would need a team to help me with this feat so I conducted interviews and formed a small yet driven team of my peers. We solicited for books and wrote letters asking for donations amongst all members of our community. Many long nights of packing books later, with the help of an energetic peer group, we accomplished all our goals. Once we heard back that the school received our books, we knew our hard work was well worth it. When I see an opportunity to use my skills to create change, I always take it. As someone who is actively aware of the many opportunities and resources I have access to, giving back has always felt like my social responsibility. But in pursuit of fulfilling this value, I have found a deep love for philanthropy.

    Describe your academic interests and how you plan to pursue them at USC. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice major selections (250 word limit)

    My favorite feeling is the flutter of excitement I get when I walk into a room of people I donít know. I see a room full of possible new friendships, new connections, and new things to learn. When I look at USC this is also what I see. I see over 500 student organizations where I can embrace my leadership skills, continue my passion for philanthropy, explore my interest in science, or rekindle my love for art while finding peers who share these interests. I see life long connections and an extensive alumni network that will provide support as I make my impact on the world. I see countless opportunities to gain knowledge while exploring variety of interests with the schools encouragement of interdisciplinary studies. USC Marshall School of Business is the perfect fit for me. The schoolís flexibility will allow me to use a business background as a platform to discover which of my many passions I want to embrace. I will get the chance to do this through hands-on experience on campus with USCís many research opportunities, in Los Angeles which is a keystone city for business, or abroad to gain insight on our dynamic and diverse world. USC will allow my drive to expand my knowledge and my love for embracing new opportunities to thrive.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 44,294

    Re: Can I please get edits on my college essay?

    Sorry, we can't help with any homework or assignments which are going to be submitted for grading or marking, or which in some way have an effect on, for example, admission to an educational institution. It must be your own work. After it has been graded, you can come back to us for help with any corrections or comments from your teacher if you don't understand them.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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