[Cover Letter] motivation letter check

[sarrah1]

Hi,
kindly I'm asking to check my motivation letter! it's not long I promise

[h=1]Motivation letter[/h]
My name is ____, I have obtained my Bachelor Degree in Computer Systems Engineering major at ___________, I wish to exceed my knowledge and skills in an international environment. I believe that I could make significant contribution in my community by participating in the Erasmus Mundus Scholarship Program.

“The expert at anything was once a beginner”. In a few years along with milestones, I can see myself as a creative professional in the technology field.

I’m really interested to join HCI (human-computer interaction) master program, during my studies, I have found that my interests are focused particularly in the area of computer-based technologies and how they are useful and usable for people. My graduation project titled “Web Controlled Robot” the aim of it was to create a robot vehicle for children, an educational toy designed as a way of learning physical computing. I am looking for a role where I can help make a real impact on how people interact with computers, and what can extent computers to be developed for a successful interaction with human beings.

I am a hard working, reliable individual together with being always eager to learn from new colleagues and take on new challenges. I assure you that I will make the best out of this opportunity, earning valuable experiences, learning new and essential skills furthermore be empowered to enhance my career prospects.

With these reasons mentioned I’m giving a try for myself to be part of this top-quality study program. Not only I will have the chance to travel, but also I will practice my spoken English and watch how people live, observe their traditions, spotting similarities and overcoming differences, trying to build long-term relationships that will stay for a lifetime. The entire experience abroad will change my life, as a part of a foreign culture and its higher education system. I would be honored if you decide to accept my candidateship to be student at Uppsala University.

Yours sincerely,
Name.

 

[Tarheel]

Motivation letter


My name is ____, I have obtained my Bachelor Degree in Computer Systems Engineering major at ___________, I wish to increase my knowledge and skills in an international environment. I believe that I could make significant contributions to my community by participating in the Erasmus Mundus Scholarship Program.

“The expert at anything was once a beginner”. In a few years [STRIKE]along with milestones[/STRIKE], I can see myself as a creative professional in the technology field.

I’m really interested to join HCI (human-computer interaction) master program, during my studies, I have found that my interests are focused particularly in the area of computer-based technologies and how they are useful and usable for people. My graduation project titled “Web Controlled Robot” had for its purpose to create a robot vehicle for children, an educational toy designed as a way of learning physical computing. I am looking for a role where I can help make a real impact on how people interact with computers, and working on computers to be developed for [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] successful interaction with human beings.

I am a hard working, reliable individual together with being always eager to learn from new colleagues and take on new challenges. I assure you that I will make the best out of this opportunity, earning valuable experiences, learning new and essential skills that will enhance my career prospects.

With these reasons mentioned I’m giving a try for myself to be part of this top-quality study program. Not only I will have the chance to travel, but also I will practice my spoken English and watch how people live, observe their traditions, spotting similarities and overcoming differences, trying to build long-term relationships that will last for a lifetime. The entire experience abroad will change my life, as a part of a foreign culture and its higher education system. I would be honored if you decide to accept my candidateship to be student at Uppsala University.

Yours sincerely,
Name.

By "role" don't you mean "job"? (Most uses of "successful" are unsuccessful.)

 

[sarrah1]

By "role" don't you mean "job"? (Most uses of "successful" are unsuccessful.)

Thank you so much, By role I meant part ,to be part of something ! didn't work ha :-| , I will think of something else!
what do you mean by (Most uses of "successful" are unsuccessful) ?? should I rewrite ? Thank you for your time .

 

[Tarheel]

Thank you so much, By role I meant part ,to be part of something ! didn't work ha :-| , I will think of something else!

Then perhaps say:

I want to be a part of something important.


​

Or something similar.

W

hat do you mean by (Most uses of "successful" are unsuccessful) ?? should I rewrite ? Thank you for your time .

As a proofreader I would expect to delete "successful" a large part of the time. ("Successfully" is worse.) As an example, if you say you achieved high grades as a student you don't have to add that you were successful. (You would be saying the same thing twice for no reason.)
:up:

 

[sarrah1]

Hi again, Can you check this updated one if it's better .. Thank you so much

My name is __________, I have obtained my Bachelor Degree in Computer Engineering major at _______, I wish to increase my knowledge and skills in an international environment. I believe that I could make significant contributions to my community by participating in the Erasmus Mundus Programme.
“The expert at anything was once a beginner”. In a few years, I can see myself as a creative professional in the technology field. Technology touches almost everything we use; it has created change and continues to create change.
I’m really interested to join HCI (human-computer interaction) master program, where cognitive psychology meets computer science, during my studies, I have found that my interests are focused particularly in the area of computer- based technologies and how they are appealing, usable, and useful for people. My graduation project titled “Web Controlled Robot” had for its purpose to create a robot vehicle for children, an educational toy designed as a way of learning physical computing.
I am a hard working, reliable individual together with being always eager to learn from new colleagues and take on new challenges. I want to gain valuable experiences, insights, and resources that will enhance my career prospects.
With these reasons mentioned I’m giving a try for myself to be part of this top-quality study program. Not only I will have the chance to travel, but also I will practice my spoken English and watch how people live, observe their traditions, spotting similarities and overcoming differences, trying to build long-term relationships that will last for a lifetime. The entire experience abroad will change my life, as a part of a foreign culture and its higher education system. I would be honored if you decide to accept my candidateship to be student at Uppsala University.

Yours Sincerely,

 

[Tarheel]

Try: My name is ABC, and I earned a bachelor' s degree in in computer engineering at XYX. Univeversity

 

[Tarheel]

That was my first post using a mobile device. Not easy! But I'm learning. But too slowly.

See! I figured out which key spaces between paragraphs.

 

[Tarheel]

Folks, please capitalize only words that are supposed to be capitalized. Please do not capitalize words because you think they are important.