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    #1

    Upon listening this

    Hi,

    Is the following paragraph correct?

    ''Upon listening this, father became silent. He thought what to say and what not to say. The children have gone to distant countries and are busy with their work. Sometimes their letters come telling of their well-being. What is this life? Look after your children and remain alone in the end. We tried to console father very much but his sadness kept on increasing.''

  1. Dena11's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Upon listening this

    Hi Untaught,

    This is a very moving passage, you do a great job of creating feeling!

    ''Upon listening to this, father became silent. He thought about what to say and what not to say. The children are now in distant countries and are busy with their work. Sometimes their letters come telling him that they are well. What is this life? Looking after your children only to be alone in the end. We tried to console father very much, but his sadness kept on increasing only grew.''
    Last edited by Dena11; 12-Nov-2015 at 18:15. Reason: typo
    Editor and writer. Not a teacher.

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  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Upon listening this

    Quote Originally Posted by Untaught88 View Post
    Hi,

    Is the following paragraph correct?

    ''Upon hearing this, Father became silent. He thought about what to say and what not to say. The children were in distant countries and are busy with their work. Sometimes their letters come telling of their well-being. What is this life? Look after your children and remain alone in the end. We tried to console Father very much but his sadness only grew.''

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    #4

    Re: Upon listening this

    Please explain.

    Why not "have gone"?

    Why "were"? Can't I use "are"?
    Last edited by Untaught88; 13-Nov-2015 at 19:42.

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    #5

    Re: Upon listening this

    Quote Originally Posted by Untaught88 View Post
    Why "were"? Can't I use "are"?
    Maybe you can. It starts out in past tense, moves to present tense, then moves back to past tense. Tricky!

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    #6

    Re: Upon listening this

    I thought present tense was ok here because, while the overall passage is past tense, the "children are busy" was the father's thought in that moment. In the moment that he thought about it, it would be present tense. Present tense adds an intimacy to the image.
    Editor and writer. Not a teacher.

    “Remove the comma, replace the comma, remove the comma, replace the comma...”
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